Quinn
by Motsie of Atlantis
Summary: The story of Michelle Goodman, (CIA codename, Quinn) the woman who had Sam Hanna's back (and other parts of his body) in ways that his partner never could.
1. Chapter 1

**Quinn**

**A/N: This is a prolog, setting the scene for Michelle's birth and childhood. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the backstory of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but it will be completed.**

**Disclaimer:** The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-4. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

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Corporal Russell Goodman, Michelle's future father, always the practical man, enlisted in the Marines before he was drafted as Vietnam Army cannon fodder. In basic training, his ability with anything mechanical got him into the Bell Helicopter and Lycoming engine training courses and was qualified to work on the new Bell HU-1Bs. The military name had been the Iroquois, but so many people were calling them Hueys after the first military Designator HU-1E (a HU-1B modified to meet Marine requirements) that even Bell decided to make the unofficial designation the regular name.

Russell had been posted at the Phu Bai Air base, just south of the central city of Hue in early 1964 as part of "The War Against Communist Aggression". He was one of the Marine mechanics that kept the birds flying and fighting. The middle of February of that year one of the pilots of a Huey gunship was hit and the bird he was flying received a hit to the hydraulics and went down. Since this was only a hundred klicks from camp, Russell was ordered to board a slick, fly in with the replacement crew and patch the hydraulics to get the bird ready to fly back to base. He was just finishing up the repair and was buttoning up the chopper, when a mortar shell exploded nearby, sending shrapnel into his back. The crew hauled him into the chopper, as their accompanying gun ship tore up the jungle where they thought the attack originated. Either their guess was good and they killed the enemy, or the attacker simply melted back into the jungle as their target took off.

In the air they saw that Russell's wounds were not good. They stabilized him as they radioed back to base to find out where the best place would be for them to land for him to get treated – instead of coming back to base they were ordered to take him directly to the naval hospital at DaNang.

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Charlotte Johnson had signed up for the Naval ROTC program at Purdue University to help pay for her nursing education. With three younger siblings, she tried to do everything she could not to be a financial burden to her parents. After weighing all her options, she decided that this was the best way to help her family. Following her graduation and commissioning, Charlotte served two years of active duty at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, MD. and the Naval Hospital Okinawa, prior to her service in Vietnam. She spent one week the hospital ship, the U.S.S. Sanctuary, and then was transferred to the base hospital at DaNang.

She met Russell after he had been brought in wounded while trying to repair a helicopter that had been shot down near the front lines. She could never pin point a reason why she was attracted to him, perhaps it was just her adventurous nature. But she found herself anxiously waiting for the time when she would be on the ward, caring for him. They spent a lot of late nights talking, slowly getting to know each other.

After he was sent back to his unit, they continued to grow closer to each other through letters, the rare phone call, and even rarer visit. Her heart told her that she was falling in love with him. His head told him that it could never happen, because she was an officer and he was an enlisted man and the military frowned on fraternization. Of course, it was her heart that won out, even to figuring out a way that they could be together permanently and the military could not come down on them.

Charlotte knew that her reenlistment was coming up, but she had not signed the papers. Instead, she had asked for and received a three day pass in Tokyo where Russell was going to join her. They spent the first day in their hotel room, while the final hours of her enlistment ran out. The following day, as a civilian, she went with Russell to the American embassy and filled out all the paperwork they needed. Then they quickly went to the local Japanese municipal government office, submitted all the proper forms and paid the appropriate fees, and received their Kon-in Todoke Juri Shomeisho (Certificate of Acceptance of Notification of Marriage). Even though it wasn't necessary, right before they were to return to Vietnam, they sought the services of a Shinto priest, who performed a religious service joining the couple in marriage. No questions could be asked by the military, since Charlotte's enlistment officially ran out the day before and she was technically a civilian.

The first thing that Charlotte did upon her return was to sign her reenlistment papers. Then, after she was sworn back in, she told her commanding officer that she had gotten married, and he was an enlisted man. Neither he, nor anyone else in command, appreciated what she had done, but no matter how they fussed and fumed, they could not find any way that they could legally annul it.

What they could do was transfer her, six weeks later. She had to work right up until her flight. It was, in fact, a fourteen hour night shift, and she got off duty late, almost missing her flight home. She had been reassigned Stateside near San Francisco to the Oak Knoll Naval hospital complex that was opened in 1942, serving veterans wounded on the Pacific battlefields. The site covered over 200 acres and contained 90 buildings but most were overgrown WWII-era wooden buildings that were tinderboxes. A modern hi-rise building was scheduled to be opened in 1968 to serve Vietnam vets. But in the meantime, she could continue to work with those shipped home from Vietnam, while she waited for Russell's enlistment to end or he was shipped home.

While most nurses tended to be reluctant to reveal their service in Vietnam, fearing that they would be discriminated against because of antiwar feelings, Charlotte was proud of her service. What she did experience upon her return to the States was sheer frustration. While she was a combat nurse in Vietnam, she was making medical decisions on the wards and assisted with surgical procedures when the surgeons were backed up in the operating room. Now she couldn't hand out an aspirin or start an IV unless a doctor had ordered it. Military protocol, saluting, wearing Class A uniforms, and following the strict chain of command, seemed to be more important than the care of the wounded.

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Russell was also punished for his part in the officer fraternization. Every scut job that came along was assigned to him. While Charlotte was still in Vietnam, he was denied every pass he asked for, and was made to stay in camp. In fact, he didn't even find out that she was transferred back to the States until two days after she had left the country. He debated whether or not he planned to reup when his hitch was over and he returned stateside. It would sure make things easier for Charlotte, but he would have to talk with her before he made a decision like that. So he just endured everything that was dished out to him, making sure that he did nothing to provoke anyone. In a perverse form of reverse psychology, the more abuse that he was placed under, the more he wanted to continue to remain in the Marines, being a thorn in their side just with his presence. He threw himself into his work, making sure that he became the best Huey mechanic in the outfit. Because of his devotion to the job, he found three separate procedures that cut precious time off of the repair methods and that became the new normal way of doing it. Of course, he didn't get any of the credit for it.

He didn't complain. Russell just counted down the days that he had left in country, worried that something would happen to him and he wouldn't go home, at least in one piece. He so wanted to see Charlotte again, but not where she would have to care for him in any professional way. As the days grew shorter, his spirits rose, until finally the big day arrived. He grabbed all the gear that he wanted to take with him, and got ready to go.

As he was leaving, he saw the two guys in his outfit that were the closest thing he had to friends there. He looked at them and said, "Jonesie, Abbot, anything else that I leave here you two can fight over. I just don't need it anymore."

"You sure, Russ?" Abbot asked. "We could leave it all for your replacement."

"You wanna do that, that's fine with me. I just don't want it anymore. I'm going home. All I want is waiting for me when I get there."

And with that, he shouldered his duffel bag, put his travel orders in his pocket, and walked over to transport to begin his long journey home.

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As the military transport was landing at Travis AFB, so many thoughts were going through Russell's mind. Did she still love him, after not seeing or hearing his voice for months. He sent her letters, and she replied, but the words on paper could not convey the feelings and emotions behind them. The last time he held her in his arms was just before they had to board separate planes out of Tokyo back to their units. She said she loved him, but she had all this time without him to change her mind. And he could not blame her one bit if she did.

As the plane came to a stop and the ladder was rolled up to the main door, Russell waited until the others got off. Walking down the ladder, he slowly scanned the people who had been waiting for the passengers to get off, who now embraced their friends and loved ones. Charlotte wasn't there. He somewhat expected that down deep inside. Grabbing his duffel bag, he made his way to the terminal, alone.

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"Corporal Russell Goodman, Corporal Russell Goodman, please report to Colonel Jameson's office," was the announcement he heard when he entered the terminal. He went up to one of the counters and spoke with the WAC that was there.

"I'm Corporal Russell Goodman. I heard the announcement that I am supposed to report to Colonel Jameson's office. Could you please tell me where it is?"

"Over on the west side of the building," she said as she pointed. " The last office on the right. His secretary will be right outside."

Finding his way over to Colonel Jameson's secretary, he announced himself and she buzzed him in.

He marched up to the Colonel's desk, saluted, and asked, "Corporal Russell Goodman. You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Yes, Corporal. We seem to have a strange situation here that somehow involves you."

"Sir? I don't understand. What situation?"

"There was a young Navy Lieutenant, a Charlotte Johnson, inquiring what time your flight would be coming in and if you were on that flight. She claims to be your wife."

"Yes Sir, she is my wife, we were married in Tokyo about six months ago."

"How can that be, Corporal? You know the rules and penalties the military has about officers fraternizing with enlisted personnel? And you know that she, as an officer, will suffer the greater penalty for what you two have done."

"But she didn't do anything wrong, Sir. She wasn't in the Navy when we got married."

"What do you mean? She was and still is a Naval officer. How could she not be in the Navy when you were married?"

"Her enlistment ran out while she was on leave, Sir. That is when we got married, while she was still technically a civilian. When she reported back to her unit, she signed her reup papers and nobody asked her any questions about her status. So if there is any wrongdoing, you would have to talk to her CO back in DaNang."

"Still, Corporal, you know we just can't just let this go. There has to be some sort of consequences for the two of you, even though you are technically correct. If we let this go, I don't know how many others might try to do the same thing."

"Sir, may I speak freely, off the record?"

Go ahead, I'm anxious to find out how you see this."

"You speak about consequences, Sir. We have already experienced the military's version of consequences. Within six weeks, Charlotte was transferred from DaNang to Oak Knoll Naval hospital here in California. I wasn't allowed to be told of her transfer until she was already gone two days. She told me in her letters that they are keeping her on the same rotation as she worked back in 'Nam. None of the other nurses are working as hard or as long as she is. They say she is just that good with the returning wounded, but I am wondering if her superiors are not just punishing her. She and I have not been allowed to see each other or talk to each other by phone since the wedding. All we have is our letters. I think we have suffered enough, Sir. We followed all of the rules. And we have already been punished."

"Are you quite through, Corporal?"

"Yes, Sir. But Sir, if you are going to punish anyone, punish me and not my wife. I don't want her to have to suffer any more problems in her military career."

"Corporal Goodman, I am going to look into your case, and if I find out that what you said is what actually happened, then you will have nothing to worry about. It will take me two weeks to contact my sources. I will authorize a two week pass for you that you can become reacquainted with your wife. I see in your record that they recomend you be stationed at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina."

"That is where you will be posted if I find out you were lying to me. If you were telling the truth, I am wondering if you would like to be stationed at Camp Pendleton. That's only a little over 400 miles from Oak Knoll. I have a bunch of friends down there who would treat you and your wife decently, if I tell them this story.

"Fill out the transfer request with my secretary, and then go over to room 223 where your wife is waiting for you, go home with her, and enjoy your time off with her. In two weeks you should know where your next duty station will be. That is all Corporal."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." Russell saluted smartly and left the office to comply with the Colonel's order. There was a new spring in his step and his smile stretched from ear to ear as he realized he was going to see Charlotte in just a few moments.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is a prolog, setting the scene for Michelle's birth, childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. I am sorry that this update is so long in coming. I started working on another story, "Change of Seasons", to give my version of the Season 6 opening show"Deep Trouble Part II". The NCIS-LA Magazine came up with the idea of calling for eight weeks of individual stories on the eight major characters major characters, adding their own twist to each story. I took my "Change of Seasons" story apart and reworked it into eight separate stories that tell an expanded version of that first story and are listed on my page. Over two months of work went into them, and I invite you to read them and tell me what you think. And now, back to our regularly planned stories. **

**Disclaimer:** The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-4. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

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**Quinn**

**Chapter 2**

Corporal Russell Goodman left Colonel Jameson's office, and stopped at desk of the Colonel's secretary. He waited until she was off the phone and then got her attention.

"Ma'am."

"What can I do for you, Corporal?" she asked.

"Colonel Jameson told me to fill out a transfer request with you. He said there might be a possibility for me to be posted at Camp Pendleton instead of being stationed at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. He also authorized a two week pass for me, so I can spend some time with my wife."

"Yes, Corporal," she said. "He just confirmed that on the phone. You do need to fill out some paperwork, and then we can start to process your transfer request. In the meantime," she opened a drawer, reached in and drew out a pad of paper, wrote briefly on it, and then stamped it as valid. "Here is your two week pass. Just show it to anyone who questions you,"

"Thank you, Ma'am."

The secretary opened another drawer, drew out several papers, and put them on a clip board, before handing it to Russell. She also handed him a pencil and indicated that he could sit over in one of the empty chairs. "Fill out everything on pages one through three, and bring it back to me when it is done."

"Yes, Ma'am" Russell acknowledged, and sat down to complete his task. Five minutes later he brought the completed form back to her, and waited while she checked it over. She handed him a pen and told him, "Now sign it here on page three, and again on page five." showing him on what line to place his signature. "That does it, Corporal. Enjoy your pass."

Russell looked over the concourse to see if he could find his wife, but came up empty.

Turning back to the secretary, he asked, "Ma'am. The Colonel told me that my wife, Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson was here asking what time the flight from Da Nang was coming in and if I was on it. He mentioned some room, but I forgot the number. I was wondering if you know where I might find her, or if she was sent home?"

"I think she was asked to stay over in the security area. Let me make a quick call and find out."

She picked up her phone and dialed a four-digit extension. After waiting a minute or two she inquired, "Sheila, it's Lorraine from Colonel Jameson's office. Do you have a Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson waiting there?"

Putting her hand over the transmitter part of the handset, she asked Russell, "She is there. Do you want her to come over here, or do you want to go there?"

"Where is the security area?"

"Over on the north side of the building, close to the north entrance. Take the stairs there and go up to the second floor. Turn left and go to room 223. You can't miss it. It is clearly marked."

"I'll go over there to meet her. Could you do me a favor, and not tell her that I'm coming. I would like to surprise her."

"I can do that, Corporal. I'm sure that she is going to be very happy to have you home."

"Sheila, Lorraine again. He's going to be coming over there, but he asks that you not tell her that he is on his way. He wants to surprise her. Okay? Thanks. I'm sure he will appreciate it."

As Russell started to walk off, the secretary reminded him, "Don't forget your pass, Corporal." and handed it to him again. Go find your wife and surprise her. Oh, and welcome home."

"Thanks for everything you've done for me, ma'am."

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Russell picked up his duffel bag and started walking over to the north part of the building. While he was walking, he thought of various ways to greet his wife after all this time, rejecting several as illegal and a few others as improbable. He climbed the stairs and saw the sign indicating the security area. When he got to the twin doors, he dropped off his duffel bag and pushed open one of them a few inches, so he could peer into the area, and see if he could find Charlotte. There she was, about thirty feet away, talking to a Marine Captain. Russell opened the door just enough for him to sneak in, and slowly crept up until he was within ten feet of them. Then he started running with his arms wide open to try and grab his wife. At that moment, Charlotte turned to the side, and Russell grabbed the Marine, almost knocking him over.

"Russell, what are you doing?" Charlotte asked.

"I was trying to grab you, to swing you around, and give you a homecoming kiss." he answered.

"Well, I hope that you are not planning on doing that to me, Corporal."

"No Sir," Russell said, as he backed up and saluted the Captain.

Returning the salute, the officer looked him in the eye and said, "I believe that there is still something that you need to do."

A puzzled look came across Russell's face. "I don't understand what you mean, sir."

"I believe you said something about a homecoming kiss," he said, looking at Charlotte.

"Yes, Sir. Permission to kiss my wife, Sir?" Russell asked, a huge smile breaking across his face.

"Permission granted. Now, show the Navy how well the Marines do it."

"YES, SIR"

Russell took his wife in his arms and started to kiss her. At first it started off gentle, but neither of them were satisfied with that. Both of them started to deepen the kiss, and it turned into a very prolonged welcome home expression. The only reason both of them stopped was the lack of oxygen that each of them were suffering.

Once they had broken apart, the Captain addressed Charlotte, "Lieutenant, would you be so kind as to introduce me to the man that has upheld the tradition of the Corps so well with you."

Charlotte smiled and said, "Captain Stewart, this is my husband, Corporal Russell Goodman. Russell, this is Captain Michael Stewart. He is head of security at the hospital and is here to make sure everything is ready to receive a patient tomorrow."

Captain Stewart continued, "A US Army PFC, Walter Bleckmann, is coming in, who snapped while on forward guard duty at Firebase Soui Doi, about twenty-five klicks east-north-east of Pleiku. His buddy had been killed the day before by Viet Cong regulars, and their foxhole was almost overrun. When his sergeant ordered him back to the same foxhole the next day, he pulled out a grenade and wanted to blow the sergeant away. Two other men stopped him and they shipped him off to the hospital at Da Nang. They couldn't do much for him there, so he is being sent back here. The psychiatrists will work with him and when they feel he is ready, he will be tried for attempted murder."

Russell looked at Charlotte and asked, "Are you going to be involved in taking care of him? Or can you get some time off these next two weeks?"

Charlotte looked at Captain Stewart, who just shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, Russ. I would expect that I would be somewhat involved, but whether or not I would be his assigned nurse, I don't know at this moment. It could happen, because I have been the assigned nurse for some psychiatric patients in the past."

"Well, I was just wondering, because Colonel Jameson has given me a two week pass, while he checks out the story of what we went through right after our marriage. If he finds out it is true, he would have me stationed at Camp Pendleton here in California. If he can't verify what I told him, I get shipped out to Camp Lejeune in North Carolina."

"Well, I will see what time I can have off to spend with you. I'm not promising anything, but maybe we can spend all our nights together."

Captain Stewart went over to one of the desks and made a phone call. When he was done he hung up and came back to the couple. "Tomorrow appears not to be your lucky day, Lieutenant. I just spoke to the hospital and found out that you are PFC Walter Bleckmann's assigned nurse."

"That means I'll probably be tied up most of the day over at the hospital. I'm sorry, Russ, but we won't get to see much of each other."

"I might have a partial solution. You any good with a rifle or pistol, Corporal?"

"I shot expert with the M16 and I may not be that good with a .45 Colt pistol, but I know my way around that weapon too. Why do you want to know?"

"I know you have a two week pass, but if you want to make sure you can spend some time with your wife, you could volunteer to join the guard unit for PFC Bleckmann. It's completely up to you, but I could use the help. I only have two men that I can use as guards for prisoner pickup right now."

"I'm just a chopper mechanic, Sir. I brought no weapons home with me."

"If you want to volunteer, report to the armory at the hospital at 10:00 hours tomorrow morning. This will give you a little time to work things out with the other members of the guard crew. You can also have lunch in the cafeteria with your wife, on us, before we return here to collect our patient. I will try to ask that your wife has a short meeting with the PFC, and then turn him over to another team to get him settled in. Her first full day with him would be the following day. I'm not promising you that everything will work out this way, but it's the best I can think of on short notice."

"No, Sir. It sounds good to me. At least I will get to spend some time tomorrow with Charlotte. I volunteer. Anything else I need to do?"

"Just show up tomorrow at 10:00 hours."

"Will do, Sir."

"Now you two go, enjoy the rest of the day together."

"Thank you, Sir." both of them said as they saluted and turned to leave.

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Picking up his duffel bag, Charles grabbed hold of Charlotte's hand as the two of them walked down the stairs, and out the door to the cab stand. He wanted to go to the Oak Knoll Naval hospital right away. She mentioned to him that there was a hotel, the American, that catered to families who had people in the hospital, not too far from the Navy facilities, and she thought that they would accommodate service men too. So Russell told the cab driver to drop them off there.

Russell checked in, put his duffel bag up in his room, and then took Charlotte to dinner in the restaurant in the hotel. After the fresh garden salad, Yankee pot roast with mashed potatoes, gravy, and cream corn, they decided to share a piece of chocolate cake for dessert. Russell left a very good tip, and paid the bill. Then the two of them went up to his room for some much needed "welcome home" time.

About 22:30 hours that evening, Charlotte and Russell stepped out of the elevator, and walked through the lobby. They were on their way back to the hospital, since Charlotte had to be back by her 23:00 hours curfew. Fifteen minutes before she had to be there, they came to the front door of the hospital, and Russell took her over to the side to share one last goodnight kiss.

At that moment, Captain Robert Fielding, a Navy surgeon, arrived by cab at the front entrance of the hospital. He was not in the best of moods, because his car wouldn't start tonight, and he had to be on duty by 23:00 hours. His ex-wife was getting most of the money he was making, and he wondered where he would get the funds to repair his vehicle. As he entered the building, he looked off to the side and saw two people engaged in a deep kiss. What he also noticed was the stripes on Russell's sleeve and the Lieutenant's bars on Charlotte's soft shoulder epaulettes. Checking his watch, he decided that he could take time to discipline this service man. After he entered the main door, and went over to the reception desk, he first called for security to meet him at the front entrance. Then he called up to his duty station, informed them that he would be a few minutes late, but that he was already on site and had a security matter to deal with.

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Charlotte and Russell were still saying their final goodnights when the Captain came back outside and walked up to them.

"Corporal," he said, "Is is customary in the Marines to let a superior officer pass without saluting?"

Russell jumped to attention and offered him a salute. "No, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir. It will not happen again."

Captain Fielding looked him up and down as he returned the salute. "I notice you also seem to have forgotten the regulations regarding the fraternization between enlisted men and officers."

"No, Sir. I know all about them. This is my wife, and I just got home today from Nam. It is the first time we have been together in almost six months."

"Well, Corporal, I thought I heard all the excuses, but this is a new one. I'm sure that you don't have your wedding license or marriage certificate to prove what you are saying?"

"No, Sir. I don't." Russell looked at Charlotte and saw her checking her watch. "Sir, could you allow my wife to enter the building and check in. so she doesn't miss her curfew. I have a pass, so I can stay here however long is necessary, but I don't want her to have to suffer any punishment for being late."

Turning to Charlotte, Captain Fielding asked, "Your name, Lieutenant?"

Snapping to attention and offering him a salute, Charlotte said, "I am still listed in the Navy by my maiden name, Sir, Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson. The paperwork has not come through on my change of name status."

"Very well, Lieutenant. You are dismissed. Go check in so you don't miss curfew. If they question you, tell them to ask for me, Captain Robert Fielding, or to check in with security.

"Thank you, Sir." Charlotte said, saluted one more time and then hurried inside.

"Captain Fielding," Russell interjected, just as two MPs arrived at the door. "I know one person here who can vouch for what I am saying. Captain Stewart, the head of your security force was at the airport this afternoon, planning for accepting a patient that is coming in tomorrow. Since I had a pass and wanted to be with Charlotte, he asked me if I would volunteer to be part of the security detail. I am to return here tomorrow at 10:00 hurs to join his present security force to meet the plane. My wife has been assigned to be the PFC's nurse, so that probably will be the only time I will be able to see her."

Captain Fielding turned to the MPs and asked, "Is what he is saying true?"

The Sergeant saluted and told him, "As far as I know, that is correct, Sir. Captain Stewart is the chief of security, and I think, when I checked the duty list for tomorrow, I saw a patient pickup at the airport. Do you want me to call the Captain for you to find out for sure?"

"No. I don't think that will be necessary. We don't need to bother him at this late hour. The Corporal says he is coming back tomorrow morning. If he doesn't, he knows we'll come looking for him. Sorry I troubled you. You are dismissed." Captain Fielding then saluted the MPs, who returned his salute, and left to go back to their duty station.

"Corporal, I hope you are not lying to me. I have no idea how an enlisted man could be married to a Naval officer, but evidently, there must be a way. I will contact Captain Stewart sometime tomorrow, and see if you really volunteered to work for him. I don't understand that either, but you must have your reasons. You are dismissed."

Russell again snapped to attention and saluted the Captain. Then he spun on his heels and started to walk back to the hotel. _**I'm gonna have to get a copy of our marriage certificate and carry it around with me in my wallet.**_ he thought to himself.

Arriving back at the American hotel, he went to the registration desk and left a wake up call for 08:00 hours. He then went to his room, changed his clothes, and crawled into bed. In just a few minutes he was sound asleep, dreaming of what his future life would be with Charlotte at his side.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is a prolog, setting the scene for Michelle's birth, childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. **

**Disclaimer:** The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

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**Quinn**

**Chapter 3**

Corporal Russell Goodman woke up to his phone ringing. He rolled over in bed and reached out to answer it. "Mr. Goodman, this is the front desk. It is 8:00 AM. You asked for a wake up call. I hope you have a good day."

"Thank you," he said, as he tried to remember why he wanted to get up that early. Then it hit him, he had to be over at the hospital by 10:00 hours for the security detail for which he volunteered. He shook his head, almost in disbelief. If the guys in his unit back in Vietnam heard that he had volunteered for anything, they would have laughed themselves to death. But if it got him time with his wife, it was well worth it.

He showered and shaved, put on a clean uniform, and went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Two glasses of fresh orange juice, a stack of blueberry pancakes, with real butter and real maple syrup, and several cups of freshly made hot coffee, his first real breakfast in the States since he got back, really hit the spot. He paid his bill and decided to take a slow walk over to the hospital.

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Entering the front door, he asked over at the reception desk how he could get to the security office. Following the directions that were given to him, he arrived to find Captain Michael Stewart and two enlisted men already there.

Captain Stewart introduced him, "Corporal Goodman, this is Sergeant Ramsey and Corporal Aimes, two members of my security staff. Corporal Goodman has volunteered to help us today so he can spend some time with his wife, Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson, a Navy nurse here who is assigned to PFC Bleckmann's case. He just got in from his stint in Vietnam yesterday, and hasn't been able to spend any decent amount of time with his wife for the past six months. He volunteered so that he had a chance to be with her for a while today."

Both Sergeant Ramsey and Corporal Aimes got up and went over toward Russell and shook his hand. They both seemed glad that there was another member to their detail. Most of these prisoner transfers were uneventful, but they also knew that being in the military, almost anything could happen.

Captain Stewart then started to give them some of the details of the prisoner exchange and transfer. Russell felt that this crew had done this often enough that they were doing this briefing mainly for his benefit. For this reason, Russell listened intently to the plans.

"Army PFC, Walter Bleckmann, along with his military guard, will be the last group to leave the plane." the Captain explained. "When they reach the ground, the PFC will be formally turned over to us. We will accompany Bleckmann to the Security offices at the terminal, where we will be met by a JAG lawyer, who has been appointed to represent him. The two of them will meet privately, so there can be no charges of mistreatment on the part of those guarding him. Normally this would not take place until after he was hospitalized, but with the charge of attempted murder lodged against him, we have to follow the Uniform Code of Military Justice to the letter. After this meeting, we will transport him here to the psychiatric ward, where he will be held in one of the security areas. Any questions?" the Captain looked at each of the men.

"No, Sir." each of them answered him.

Sergeant Ramsey asked the Captain, "Do we take the M43 ambulance or the M35 deuce and a half, Sir?"

Captain Stewart thought for a moment then answered, "I haven't heard that the PFC is physically injured. We probably could get by with the deuce and a half. Two of you can ride in the back with the prisoner."

"Yes, Sir." the sergeant said. "I'll call over to the motor pool and make sure that it's available for us."

The Captain then turned to Russell and told him, "I know it's a little early, Corporal. If you would like, I can call down to the Psychiatric Nursing Station and have your wife meet you in the cafeteria for lunch?"

"Thank you, Sir. I would appreciate it very much." Russell told him.

When the Sergeant was done ordering the truck, the Captain placed his call, and asked for Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson be put on the phone. After waiting just a few minutes, he asked, "Lieutenant, your husband would like to know if you want to join him for an early lunch in the cafeteria, before both of you get busy with the PFC? ...okay, I will have him join you there." then he hung up.

"She will join you there in about five minutes." he told Russell. Then looking at Ramsey and Aimes, he said to them, "You men should go and get something to eat too. It might be a while before we get back and you can eat."

"Yes, Sir." they answered.

"Return here by 13:00 hours. Until then you are dismissed." he said, saluting them.

They rose, saluted the officer, and left the room, heading toward the cafeteria.

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Ramsey and Aimes showed Russell the way to the cafeteria. They went through the line while Russell waited for Charlotte to join him. When she appeared, the two of them got in line for their food. Russell had the meat loaf with scalloped potatoes, a green salad with French dressing, a slice of toast, and a bowl of rice pudding. Charlotte just had a fruit salad and tomato soup with extra crackers. Both of them took coffee cups and Russell went to fill both of them while Charlotte found a table for the two of them,

While they were eating, both talked about how their day had gone and what they expected for the afternoon. All too soon, lunch was over, and both had to get back to work. Russell piled all the dishes onto one tray, squeezed Charlotte's hand, instead of giving her a kiss, and having to explain it one more time to a new group of people, and watched her go off to her station. He took their trays and gave them to one of the busboys at the edge of the kitchen, and then looked for Sergeant Ramsey.

Russell saw him and Corporal Aimes waiting for him near the cafeteria entrance. As he caught up with them, the Sergeant said to him, "We might as well go down to the armory, since we're this close. That way, we don't have to make a special stop on our way out."

"Your hospital, lead the way," Russell answered.

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13:00 hours found the three of them back in the security office, each one holding their M16 rifle and a Colt 45 pistol holstered on their hips. Captain Stewart got off the phone and joined his men, though he only had his sidearm. "The deuce and a half is waiting for us at the side entrance. The plane is on time. Let's do it."

"Yes, Sir." all three of them said as they exited the office and headed for the side elevator.

The plane landed, and the Sergeant accompanying the handcuffed PFC exited the aircraft with his prisoner. Captain Steward handed over the paperwork dealing with the transfer to the Sergeant, and had his two men stand guard next to his prisoner. Looking over the papers to see if everything was correct, the Sergeant nodded, then saluted and said, "The prisoner is now in your custody, Sir. The handcuffs are opened with a standard key, and I don't need to take them back with me."

Captain Steward ordered the detail to the terminal, where they went to the Security Office. After they were waiting there for about five minutes, Lieutenant Caplain, from the JAG office at the Naval Yard, met with them. After the salutes and introductions were made, the Lieutenant asked it he could meet with his client alone. Then he noticed that the PFC's hands were still handcuffed behind him.

He turned toward Captain Steward and asked, "Is there any reason why my client has not been released from his handcuffs?"

"No, he wasl handcuffed when he was turned into our care by the escorting Sergeant on the plane. We didn't know if you would want him released or not."

"Could you release him, at least while we talk? I might need him to sign off on some documention."

"Certainly. You can meet together here in the Security office. We will be right outside if you need us." With that he released PFC Bleckmann, and ordered the detail outside. He joined them and then closed the door behind him. The members of the detail were released from their duty, but were told to come back in fifteen minutes, jist in case the JAG lawyer had fnished meeting with his client.

Thirty minutes later, the door opened, and Lieutenant Caplain stepped out. Turning to face the PFC, he said, "If you can think of anything else, Walter, please have someone call me. I will start working on your case right away."

Then he looked at Captain Steward, saluted him, and reported. "You can have your prisoner back, Captain." He then turned and walked toward the main elevator.

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Captain Steward ordered the team back into the security office, "Cuff him again and let's get him over to the psych ward."

"Aye, sir." Sergeant Ramsey replied. Bleckmann extended his arms ahead of him and the Sergeant snapped on the cuffs. They led him out the door and marched him down the back stairway, out of the terminal, and over to the the deuce and a half. Corporal Aimes drove the truck and the Captain rode in the front with him. Russell and the Sergent rode in the back with their prisoner. The drive from the airport to the hospital was not long, since it was still early and rush hour traffic had not yet begun. They drove up to the back door of the hospital Psychiatric department, where they exited the truck and formed up the detail for marching their prisoner to his room. The Sergeant took the lead, Russell and Corporal Aimes flanked their prisoner, and Captain Steward was in the rear.

Things went fine until they got to the Psychiatric Security Ward. In the hall there was a clean laundry cart that prevented them from going three abreast. Corporal Aimes dropped back to walk alongside the Captain and PFC Bleckmann had Russell on the left side of him and the wall on the other. As they passed one of the locked ward rooms, the PFC looked into the room through the little window in the door. He saw the white colored room with its padded walls, and suddenly snapped. Even though both his wrists were handcuffed, he made a grab for Russell's side arm that was holstered on the side closest to him. Surprised by the attack, Russell's first thought was to grasp his M16 at the barrel and stock and use it to push him away, but that might take too long. He grabbed for Bleckmann's hands and the struggle for the gun ensued. Somehow the pistol was pulled from Russell's holster, and the safety was clicked off. The other three men grabbed at Bleckmann, but that did not stop the .45 from going off. Just one shot was fired, but it entered Russell's abdomen, exited out through his back, and lodged among the fresh towels on the housekeeping cart.

Russell fell to the ground, still holding on to the pistol, trying to get it away from the prisoner. He saw the other three men grab hold of the weapon, and twist it away from Bleckmann. Then Russell finally released his hold on the pistol, and tried to stem the blood flowing from his wound with his hand. His head was spinning with the noise, first of the shot itself, then with the shouting of those trying to pull the gun away from the PFC, and finally, the rants of the PFC himself. Surprisingly, Bleckmann's words were the only ones that registered with him.

"I'm not crazy," he screamed. "The damn commander was crazy... Jackson damn near died when Charlie tried to overrun us... And those were damn VC regulars... not ragtag conscripts. Then he wanted to stick me in the same foxhole... with nobody to back me up. And you wanna call me crazy for not wanting to do it? If you do, you're the ones who are all crazy... a whole lot more crazy than I could ever be."

Captain Steward finally hit him and knocked him out. He picked up Russell's pistol and stuck it in his belt. He saw Russell's wounds, and frantically called for a doctor to attend to Russell and to sedate their prisoner.

Charlotte was becoming frantic, waiting with the rest of the nursing team in Bleckmann's room for their patient to be handed over to them. She heard a shot ring out and went to the door to peek out in the hallway, but could see nothing. Then an announcement came across the PA system, calling for a doctor to one of the nearby hallways. She really began to wonder what was going on.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is a prolog, setting the scene for Michelle's birth, childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. **

**Disclaimer:** The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Quinn**

**Chapter 4**

When the doctor came over to the group, he immediately went over to Russell. Looking over his wounds, he called for a gurney, and ordered the transport team to stabilize him and then take him immediately to surgery. Then he checked over Bleckmann and found that he was only unconscious. He ordered a wheelchair for the prisoner, and asked the nurse to get him a syringe with 50 ccs of secobarbital to temporarily keep him under for a short time.

After he was sedated, Captain Steward brought Bleckmann over to his room in the wheelchair, and watched the orderlies transfer him to his bed. He immediately handcuffed the man to the bed rail, and then looked at Charlotte, and tried to explain to her what had happened. She had been a little worried when she did not see Russell with the group. Her face showed how shocked she was when she heard the news. She wanted to rush over to the surgical wing, to wait and find out how the operation was going, but she had not been relieved of duty here, so she continued to make sure that her patient was properly settled in.

Folding up a hand towel, she padded the guard rail of the bed to which he was handcuffed. She did the same for his other arm, using the restraining straps to keep him from moving it around. Charlotte knew that they might want to keep him sedated, so she cleaned off the usual areas of his arm and the back of his non handcuffed hand, just in case the doctor would want to have an IV started.

Charlotte's emotions were tearing her in two. Her love for Russell wanted her to somehow find a way to get out of this room, and go wait for the latest word on how the surgery was going. But her love for her job reminded her, that all she would do over in the surgical waiting room, was worry about what may be happening on the other side of those doors. If she stayed here and did the job she was assigned to do, she wouldn't have time to speculate on all the different scenarios that could happen.

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Russell was rushed over to the surgical wing and prepared for his operation. A gunshot wound to the belly was not something that this hospital normally saw, nevertheless, the surgical teams at Oak Knoll Naval hospital were very good. The team assembled in the operating theatre quickly, Russell was placed on the operating table, given anesthesia, and the operation began. Even before he made the opening incision, the surgeon, Navy Lieutenant Charles Malcolm, saw that this was not going to be a quick, simple operation. The bullet that pierced the Corporal's body must have hit something, his belt buckle or maybe something in his pocket, and fractured. There were two separate entry wounds, but all the reports said that there was only one shot that was fired. He had two of the nurses partially roll his patient over, and saw there was only one exit wound. That must mean that part of the bullet was still in the Corporal, and would have to be found and removed. He asked to see the x rays, and found one that showed him where the bullet fragment finally ended up.

Once Dr. Malcolm made the initial incision, he found some news that made him happy, because both the pieces of the bullet had missed the spine and all the major organs, but they did perforate his intestine in several spots. All these holes would have to be found and repaired, but the big question was if they would find them all the first time around. If not, they would have to go back in and repair the places they missed, and then Russell would probably have to remain in the hospital for more than a week to make sure abdominal infection and sepsis did not set in.

Dr. Malcolm began with the section of bowl nearest the bigger abdominal entry wound. He pulled the intestine out to confirm both an entry and exit wound in it. Slowly and carefully, he placed the delicate stitches to close off the two holes. Then he had that section of bowl retracted, while he searched for the next closest wounded section of bowl, and repeated the same surgical procedure. In all, four separate entry and exit wounds, along with one ugly laceration, were found and repaired. Before closing him up, Dr. Malcolm extracted the bullet fragment, checked each of the repairs he made to the intestine, and finally ran his hand along the length of Russell's bowl, just to make sure that he did not miss any other wounds that needed to be taken care of.

After closing up the bullet hole in his back, and the two bullet holes, and incision in Russell's abdomen, the operation was finally over. Dr. Malcolm looked up at the clock and was surprised to see that five and a half hours had gone by since he started. The surgery wasn't that hard, it was just terribly time consuming. But now it was over, and Russell should be on his way to recovery. He ordered that his patient be placed in the intensive care recovery room, and went toward the waiting room, to speak with any relatives that might be waiting there.

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Charlotte had remained on the psychiatric ward tending to her patient, but her mind was definitely some place else. Captain Steward went over to the nursing station and waited a moment until the nurse behind the desk was no longer preoccupied. In an extremely loud voice, the Captain demanded, "I need another nurse to be called in to replace Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson, who has been appointed to care for PFC Walter Bleckmann, so she can go over and be with her husband when he comes out of surgery,"

"I'm sorry, Sir," she said to him in a quieter voice, almost begging him to lower his as well, "That is not something that I am authorized to do. You need to talk to the departmental commander, who is on duty today, but not on the ward."

Captain Steward lowered his voice somewhat and asked, "Could you please page him, or call him, so that he could meet with me? I would like to explain it to him and have him authorize the change."

"That I can do, Sir." she said, as she picked up the phone and dialed a number. She spent just a short time talking, and then hung up. She turned back to the Captain and told him, "He should be coming here soon to meet with you, Sir."

"Thank you," the Captain said, his voice now back to a normal volume level for a hospital.

The doctor was called, but still the Captain waited. The longer he had to wait, the worse his guilt made him feel. If he hadn't suggested to Russell that this would be a chance to spend more time with Charlotte, the two of them could spend the rest of the day together, The worse that his guilt made him feel, the more angry he became that he could not get anyone who could do something about it, to recognize how much Charlotte needed to be near the surgical complex, not here.

Finally the supervising doctor appeared and Captain Stewart tried to keep his guilt and anger from showing itself in his voice. He knew that if he didn't try hard to keep his voice under control, as he laid out the circumstances of his request, the doctor would not grant his request. "Doctor," he said calmly and quietly, "I am requesting you to get a replacement nurse for Lieutenant Charlotte Johnson, who has been assigned to be PFC Walter Bleckmann's nurse. Her husband was part of the security detail as the PFC was brought in this afternoon. There was an incident in the hallway and the Lieutenant's husband was shot. He is now in surgery and she should be allowed to be there when the operation is done."

The doctor was surprised to hear this, and ordered for Charlotte's replacement immediately. He apologized to the Captain and then went over to Bleckmann's room to apologize to Charlotte and let her know she was relieved of duty for the rest of the day as soon as her replacement showed up.

Twenty minutes later, Charlotte was on her way over toward the surgical area of the hospital. Again she had to go through all of the problems of her being Russell's wife, but her last name being different than Russell's, and the fact that he was an enlisted man and she was an officer. At first they refused to give her any information on how the operation was going. Just then, Captain Stewart showed up.

"I thought you would run into this problem, again." he explained to Charlotte. "I suggest that you get this straightened out with personnel, that you don't have to keep explaining it to everyone who does not believe you are married."

"Yes, Sir. I will take care of it as soon as Russell is out of surgery."

The Captain then went over to the nursing station. and explained everything to Lieutenant Marsha Harper, the nurse in charge. She had a puzzled look on her face, but must have understood what Captain Stewart was trying to explain to her. When he left, Marsha came over to Charlotte, sat down next to her, and told her all the information that she had about Russell's operation. Knowing that Charlotte also was a nurse, she let her know what room the nurses had designated as their lounge, and suggested that if she wanted coffee, she should get it there, rather than that terrible stuff from the machine.

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Charlotte was there, waiting frantically for news about her husband when Dr. Malcolm finally came out to speak with the family of Russell Goodman.

"I'm his wife," Charlotte said as she rushed up to him. "How is he doing?"

Dr. Malcolm looked at her hospital badge, and the name that he saw there was not Goodman. "You say you're his wife? he asked, looking toward the charge nurse at the desk.

"It's okay, Doctor," the nurse said, "she is his wife. It was explained to me. I don't understand it, but Captain Stewart from the Security Office has vouched for her."

"Okay, Lieutenant,' he turned back to Charlotte and spoke to her. "You husband suffered a single gun shot to the abdomen. The bullet shattered on something outside his body, and both main pieces penetrated his abdomen. We repaired all of the perforations of his bowl, the two entry and one exit wounds. He came through the surgical procedure well, and unless we missed something, which I highly doubt, he will completely recover. Right now he is in the intensive care recovery room. He should be out for another three or four hours, and then he should be awake and able to talk with you."

"Can I see him now?" Charlotte asked him.

"You can duck in for a couple of minutes to see that he is okay," Doctor Malcolm told her, "then maybe you might want to go and get something to eat, to help pass the time."

"I'm not really hungry with everything that has gone on today," Charlotte responded. "What I really need is to see that my husband is going to be okay."

"Then come with me, and I will take you to him."

"Thank you, Doctor." she said as she started walking down the hall with him.

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Charlotte sat with Russell, holding his hand, as he fought his way from the Nirvana the anesthesia had brought over him back to reality. After he had regained control of his voice he asked her, "If I ever volunteer for something again, will you just shoot me – in the head and not the gut?"

When she answered "Yes, dear." the nurses who overheard the conversation became more wary of Charlotte.

About an hour later, Russell woke up again and asked Charlotte, "Hey, Hon. Did they give you any idea of how long I am gonna be kept here in the hospital?"

"I don't know for sure, Russ." she answered. "I think I heard someone say 'about a week', but I'm not really certain about that. I can ask the doctor for you the next time I see him."

"It's just that my bag is still over at the American hotel. Someone should go over there and pull my bag out of the room and pay my bill for what time I have already spent there. This way I am not charged for the rest of the time that I am spending here and not over there."

"Russ, don't worry about that," she assured him. "Someone will take care of that for you. I will make sure of that."

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The following day after the Corporal had been moved from intensive care recovery, to his regular room on the post op ward, a young Marine captain entered his room with a Marine corporal wearing thick glasses, in tow. " Corporal Russell Goodman?" the Captain inquired.

"Yes, Sir," Russell answered him, not being able to salute because his arm was lashed to the bed to prevent him from tearing out the IV tubes that were inserted into his arm.

"I am Captain Parmenter of the Marine Corps Criminal Investigation Division, and this is my aide, Corporal Agarn. We have come here to get your statement of what happened yesterday, so we can decide if we want to proceed with charging PFC Walter Bleckmann with an additional count of attempted murder."

Corporal Agarn sat down in one of the chairs, took out his notepad, and started to transcribe their conversation.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I will tell you what I felt happened, but I'm afraid that you will not be able to use it to charge the PFC. As far as I'm concerned, it was an accident."

"Corporal, don't you want to see justice done? From what I have found from the others, Bleckmann didn't want to have a psychological evaluation here, so he tried to grab your pistol and escape from the hospital."

"YOU wanna see justice done? Then arrest the commander and sergeant of his unit in VietNam. They are the ones who should be up on charges, not the PFC." Russell said.

"I don't understand, What did they do to you?"

"To me, nothing, but they were the ones that made that kid snap, back in Nam, and made him afraid of what's gonna happen to him now that he's back. His buddy was killed and he was ordered back into the same foxhole, alone, the next day. How could they be so stupid? Couldn't they put him some place else? Couldn't they give him someone to back him up in the foxhole? All they did, when they gave him that order, was to show that they cared squat about him. His life didn't matter to them. So why should he worry about it. He had nothing to lose by threatening to frag his sergeant. They showed that they considered him dead already, so why shouldn't he feel the same way?"

"But he disobeyed a direct order."

"But the order was stupid. A frightened PFC, in a foxhole all alone, is not gonna provide very much security in a forward guard post. Why was he ordered there alone? Did they not have enough men to protect the position? That might be the fault of the officers back in the HQ. Did they want him killed to cover up a bad decision the day before? I served in Nam and saw shit like that go on. Are you looking into any of that?"

"No. We are just looking into the PFC's actions."

"Well, you know what? Bleckmann was right when he was yelling he was not crazy. The ones that expected him to obey that order without question are the ones who are crazy. I'm not crazy, Sir. What happened between him and me yesterday was no deliberate action. It was an accident."

"If you served in VietNam, you would know that orders cannot be questioned. They are given for the good of the unit.

Right. I know how abusive the rules can be for a person. The Navy did not want my wife to marry me. When we found a way to do it, and not violate any Marine or Navy regulations, we were punished – I was not allowed to see her, and she was shipped back to the states without me even being able to talk to her. For all I know, maybe Bleckmann was being punished for something he may, or may not, have done. Maybe his character was not strong enough to endure until he was out of the situation. I just don't know. But that is why I really do not want to be involved."

Not only did Russell sympathize with the PFC, he was afraid that too much attention would be brought on Charlotte, and cause her problems in her position here at the hospital. He also was afraid that it might affect the decision to send him to Camp Pendleton rather than Camp Lejeune.

After giving his statement and answering a few more questions, Russell looked at his visitors and asked, "Sir, are we almost through with this? I feel that the medications I am taking are making me very tired. Would it be possible for us to continue this at some later time?"

Captain Parmenter checked his watch, then looked at the Corporal, "I think that just about does it, Corporal. If we have any further questions, we will contact you later."

"Thank you, Sir," Russell said, as he rolled his head away from them and closed his eyes.

They left his room, as healing sleep claimed the man in the bed.

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The extra time that Doctor Malcolm spent in the operating room, paid off. No infection developed in any of his wounds, and Russell was well on the way to healing. His nurse had just been in to take his vitals, when Russell's phone rang. When he answered it, he was surprised when he recognized the voice of Colonel Jameson.

"Corporal, this is Colonel Jameson."

"Yes, Sir. I recognized your voice," Russell responded.

"I'm wondering, is your wife there in the room with you?"

"No, Sir. Charlotte is on duty right now. She won't be able to come over here until later."

"Well, when she does, you might have some very good news to give her."

"You, mean...?" Russell couldn't even get the words out.

"Yes. I contacted two of the members of your former unit that are now here in the States. They corroborated exactly what you have told me. I am still waiting from someone at the hospital in Da Nang, but I don't expect it to be any different. Therefore, I have cut orders for you to be transferred to Pendleton to be close to your wife. I can't give you an extra week to make up for the time you were in the hospital, so you will have to report there in one more week."

"Thank YOU, SIR!" I really don't know what I can do to show you how grateful Charlotte and I are that you went the extra mile for us."

"Consider it a belated wedding present, Corporal."

"That is the best gift that we have received."

"There is one other thing that I would like to discuss with you. What you told me happened to you and Charlotte should not have taken place. What they did to the two of you was a criminal offense. I would like to turn your case, including all the information I have found out about it, over to the Marine Corps Criminal Investigation Division or the Navy Investigative Services, for criminal prosecution."

Russell waited a few seconds before he answered, "Sir, I appreciate everything that you have done for me. I think that I can speak for Charlotte too, when I ask you just to forget about what happened to us over in Nam. It's all over and done with. I don't want it to raise its ugly head again. Both Charlotte and I want to continue our careers in the military. Officers don't appreciate the people under them causing trouble. It would not do us any good and would put an unofficial black mark on both of our records, hampering any advancement or decent transfers. Those officers could also drop a quiet word to other members in either of our units, and look the other way as they make our lives totally miserable. So, please, Sir. Go after them if you want. But, please, please, keep us out of it. We just want to live our lives in peace and quiet."

"All right, Russell. I really don't agree with your decision, but I will abide by it. If you ever need someone to help you out, please seriously consider giving me a call. Good bye, Corporal, and good luck."

"Again, thank you, Sir, from both Charlotte and me."

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	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is a prologue, setting the scene for Michelle's birth, childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. Disclaimer: The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.**

**Disclaimer:** The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

**Quinn **

**Chapter 5**

**Oak Knoll Naval Hospital - Psychiatric Ward, Oakland, California**

PFC Walter Bleckmann returned from one of his psychiatric evaluations to see Russell waiting in his room for him. He immediately became agitated and turned his head away from the man he knew he had shot.

"Go away," he said. "My lawyer says I don't have to talk to anyone about the shooting here in the hospital, and I certainly don't want to talk to you about it."

"Fine," Russell replied. "Don't talk to me about it. Just listen to what I have to say. I didn't like what you did to me. It hurt getting shot. But I was in Nam too, and the officers screwed up my life there as well, just like they did yours. The only difference was that I had someone to come home to, someone who made up for all the crap that I had to put up with over there. But even that was hard. There were so many times I wanted to give in and lash out against all those who kept my wife away from me. I knew I had to hold on...for her. If I didn't suffer everything that they threw at me, I probably would have never seen her again. So maybe I can understand a little bit where you are coming from."

"I thought I had someone who was gonna wait for me. I got drafted, straight out of high school in the Texas panhandle. I had been going with this girl, Mary Ellen, since the end of our freshman year. We were going to get married when my hitch was up, but a month after I arrived in country, I found out that she got pregnant and married one of the local bums in town. She sent me a nice 'Dear John' letter, explaining what all happened, but I never read the damn thing. I just ripped it up like she ripped up my heart."

"That must have really blown you away." Russell tried to appreciate where he was coming from. "Did you have any friends that you could talk to in your unit, someone who would listen to you and help you through it?"

"The only real friend I had there was Jerry Nemichek. It's really funny." He ran his hand through his hair as if he was calling up the memory of his friend.

The year before I was drafted I was trying to tear him apart. He lived in the next town, our biggest football rival. Every year when we played them it was like a war . Nothing was ever held back. If four or five kids didn't come out of that game with broken limbs or concussions, the coaches would get on us for going soft on them. But when we got here, he was the only one from my area of the country. He was the one that usually shared guard with me, cuz we were friends, you know?"

Russell nodded, afraid of where this was heading.

Walter fought the tears that started to well up in his eyes, as he continued.

"Jerry was with me in that foxhole the night we were almost overrun by the Cong regulars. I couldn't save...him." He struggled to get the words out. His grief was rapidly taking over his state of mind.

"I should have... But I was too busy trying to save myself... I should have died. He should have lived."

He rubbed away a tear that escaped and started running down his cheek.

"He had a wife and a kid on the way. I had nothing to live for. When they sent me out to that same damn foxhole the next day, it was like they said that Jerry died for nothing. Both of his hands had curled up into fists from the anger that still continued to consume him. The orders he was given that day still ate away at his gut.

"They didn't acknowledge his death. They didn't even care." By now Walter was openly weeping for the friend he had lost.

"Walter, I'm really sorry for your friend being killed. But you know what would really make his death meaningless?" Russell asked him.

Walter could only shake his head in answer. He couldn't stop sobbing long enough to speak.

"If you give in to them, and allow them to control your life and don't fight for yourself. Then they win. Then Jerry's death has no meaning. What you need to do is fight this charge. Then go and see Jerry's wife. Talk to her and tell her the good things that you and Jerry lived through in Nam. If you can, be available tor that child that is coming. Help him or her to know about their dad, what a good man he was, that he died a hero."

"Fight the charge? How can I? Not only are the charges posted against me in Vietnam, they've also got me for attacking you here in the hospital." Walter bowed his head and slowly shook it side to side. Every bit of hope had been dragged from his being.

"They are gonna have a hard time proving that you attacked me. I told the officer from the Marine Corps Criminal Investigation Division that it wasn't an attack. told them it was an accident, and that I didn't want to press charges, nor would I testify against you. I also told them how stupid your officers sounded back in Nam when they ordered you back into that foxhole alone."

"But...but why?" Walter looked up at him, his face showing the shock he felt.

"Why would you do that? You don't know me at all, and yet you would go that far to help me? That just doesn't make any sense." Walter started shaking his head at his words, no longer in sorrow, but rather completely bewildered. Wasn't this the man he shot? He began to realize that he had nearly killed the one person that could maybe become his friend. More and more he began to regret what he had done to this remarkable man.

"Let's just say that my wife and I have suffered from that same type of officer mentality as you faced. So many of those Ninety Day Wonders are walking around over there, thinking that they know everything, yet they don't know squat. And those are the ones that are given the life and death decisions over their men. It's truly amazing that more of our troops don't die so needlessly. People like you and me need to stand up and tell people what is really going on over there."

Charlotte had been waiting a few minutes outside of Walter's room, listening to her husband try to give the PFC some hope. She never felt more proud of Russell than she was right now. She walked into the room to check her patient's vitals, and gave her husband a great big smile.

"Here I've been talking to you and I don't even know your name."

"I'm Corporal Russell Goodman, USMC."

"Well, Corporal Goodman, will you tell your wife for me that she married a pretty smart guy?"

Charlotte just sort of giggled as she heard this, but she continued taking the PFC's vitals.

Russell looked at him and said, "You can tell her yourself. She is the nurse who has been assigned to your case."

Walter looked at her, a puzzled look coming over his face. "But she's an officer..."

Russell said, "Yeah, I know. It's a long story."

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**Later that week**

Russell had only four days left on his two week pass before he had to report to his new posting at Camp Pendleton. He finally had been released from the hospital and went back to the American hotel, where he once more found a room. Charlotte still had to work her regular shift, but she would be off duty the entire weekend.

After she completed all of her charting late Friday afternoon, Charlotte found Russell waiting for her at the nurses' station. They walked, hand in hand to the cafeteria, got a couple of sandwiches and cups of coffee to go, and went over to the hotel. Coming to his room, Russell unlocked the door. He let Charlotte precede him into the room and placed their food on the small table just inside the door. He then went back to the still open door, and placed the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the outside doorknob, closed the door, and made sure that it was locked.

When he turned around, Charlotte looked at him and asked, "How hungry are you right now, honey?"

"Why, what else did you have in mind?" A smile started to grow from the corner of his lips and rose to join the twinkle in his eyes. He again wondered how he was so fortunate to have this beautiful, wonderful woman to share the rest of his life with him.

"I was wondering if you might want to work up an appetite before we ate?" Charlotte started unbuttoning her uniform as her half opened eyes were filled with nothing more than pure lust.

The coffee was ice cold when they both finally got out of the shower several hours later. Both of them wolfed down their food, and went back to bed for another round of marital bliss. The only reason that they left the room that weekend was to feed their cravings for food, using the remaining time to feed their cravings for each other's body.

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**Camp Pendleton, Southern California**

Russell hitched a ride to Camp Pendleton on a cargo plane. Three hours later, when they landed, he found out where his unit commander was located and reported in. The Colonel was not there, but Staff Sergeant Bucky Buchannon, who would be his immediate superior, was waiting for him. "Corporal Goodman, I was told you were going to get in today."

"Just got in, Sarg. I don't officially start until tomorrow, but I thought I would get an early start."

"Well, I've got instructions that you are not to participate in calisthenics, drill, or heavy labor?" Sergeant Buchannon stated the orders, but his raised eyebrow indicated to Russell that he had questions about it that needed to be answered.

"Yeah, I took a bullet to the gut a couple of weeks ago. They operated on me, and I guess I am still supposed to be recovering."

The Sergeant continued to look at him, wondering if he would tell the whole story.

"I was helping to transport a prisoner to the psych ward at Naval Hospital Oakland. He got free for a couple of minutes, got his hands on a .45 and shot me."

"Okay, sign these papers and we'll have the doctor examine you in two weeks to see if you fully join in all the troop fun." the Sergeant said with a grin.

"Right." Russell said, wondering if then he would be singled out for 'special consideration'.

"Pick up your gear, and I'll take you over to the barracks." Russell nodded and followed the Sergeant.

When they got to the barracks, the Staff Sergeant opened the door, and led him inside.

"There are three racks down at the other end that are empty," he said "take your pick and stow your gear.

He took a quick look at his watch and continued. "I'll be back in thirty minutes and take you over to the mess hall for chow and then the maintenance shop. You can spend the evening looking at the latest updates we have gotten to the Huey repair manual."

"Sounds good, Sarg." Russell replied, and went down the center aisle, looking for an empty bunk. Near the end of the row, he found a lower bunk that he immediately claimed. Throwing his duffel bag on the empty top bunk, he began to sort out his belongings, hanging up his shirts, pants and jackets in the small adjoining locker. Refolding his socks, underwear, and his one sweater, he stowed them neatly in the footlocker at the bottom of the bunk.

Later that evening, after having the Sergeant point out the men that would be part of his repair crew, who were seated at their table, the two of them went over to the maintenance shop. The Sergeant went over to a small bookshelf attached to the wall, and grabbed one of the loose leaf binders and handed it to Russell.

"Memorize this. It's your new Bible."

Russell looked at the piece of paper taped to the front, the title of the material, "Bell UH-1 Iroquois Helicopter Repair Manual Upgrades". He opened it up and started flipping through the pages of the different sections of the material. Satisfied, he closed the book, and silently handed it back to Sergeant Buchannon.

"These are the latest upgrades you have?" he asked him.

Bucky opened the binder, and checked the date on the bottom of the first page of the upgrades.

"Yeah, in fact, we got this last one only about a week ago. Why do you ask?"

"Because a month and a half ago, while I was still in 'Nam, we ditched this program and went to another one that allowed us to do the same job, but shave at least a half hour off the time it took to do it."

"No way you could do that," the Sergeant said, shaking his head.

"Give me four men, a new bird, and put a stopwatch on me, and we will prove it."

"You're on."

"And if I do it, I want a weekend pass every week, so that I can visit with my wife."

"Best I can do is a weekend pass every other week; that okay with you?"

"That's better than nothing. I'll take it."

"And if you lose, you get no pass for three months. Agreed?"

"Sarge, I am so confident that we can do it, that I can't even imagine losing. So, yeah, I agree." and he offered Bucky his hand to seal the deal.

"Tomorrow, here, 0900 hours. And I oversee the work, and inspect it in the end, just to see that you didn't miss anything?"

"You don't think I would try to pull anything over on you, do you, Sarg?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," the Sergeant said with a smile. The Sergeant felt like he was in a win – win situation. If the Corporal could pull this off, he would find a new way to upgrade his repair and maintenance schedules and shove the birds out faster, like the brass always wanted. If he couldn't, he would have someone that he could put in charge of the maintenance shop every weekend for the next three months while he was off duty, or even off base.

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**The Following Day**

Promptly at O900 Russell met the four men that would comprise his team. He was glad to find out that the Staff Sergeant didn't give him the worst members of the unit. Of course, he wasn't given the best ones either. The Corporal explained the changes that he wanted them to make from the directions in the latest upgrade pamphlets they had read in the manual. When they seemed to understand what he was asking them to do, he turned to Sergeant Buchannon and asked him what the best time was that any of his members had posted. He had the service logs checked and found the answer for Russell.

"Four hours, fifty three minutes, and thirty seconds." He looked at the Corporal and asked, "You really think you can beat that?"

"Definitely. Start the clock." Russell said with a smile, then turned his attention to his team members.

Four hours, twenty seven minutes of solid work time later, the Staff Sergeant stopped the clock, The men had definitely beaten their best time. Nothing was overlooked, nor was anything omitted. It was just the way the different steps were combined and the order in which they were dealt with that made the difference.

Russell looked at the results, pleased with how well the men under him had done, since he had been constantly yelling at them to make sure that he was heard in the noisy shop. They seemed to understand that he was not angry with them, and that he really wanted to get in there and help them with the work. But Russell was still under the doctor's orders to take it easy, and could only supervise. When the team saw that they were getting close to the record, they started yelling at each other too, urging each other on to get the job done as quickly as possible.

The rest of the squad had filed in too, to add to the cheering section. The word had gotten around at the noon chow line, that something special was happening in the maintenance shop. Members from other squads tried to get in to see what was going on, but Staff Sergeant Buchannon banned them from coming in. If his crews could find a way to shave off time in the quarterly maintenance trials that were run on the base, he wasn't going to share his secrets with any other group.

The Sergeant called Russell over to him. "Corporal, I just have to ask. First of all, how did you know that your technique would work that well to take that much time off of the process, and second, where did you learn how to do it?"

"I'll tell you, Sarg. It was my group over in Nam that first came up with what you have printed up in the manual. The brass sent some technical people out to watch us and write up what we were doing. But since that came out, a couple of the guys in my outfit over there started talking one day. We only had one bird to repair and some extra down time to do it. Everyone added their ideas and we started timing the various procedures. We finally came to a consensus that this was the best way to get everything done that needed to be completed, and do it in the quickest way possible."

Corporal, I am going to get a clerk from the Colonel's office to come and work with you. I want you to go through everything that you did here, explaining it to him, and showing him how to put it into words. He is going to get copies printed up for all the units here. This is just too important to keep to ourselves."

"If you say so, Sarge. All I really care about is the weekend passes so I can go and see my wife."

"It will be waiting for you next weekend."

"Thanks, Sarg."

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**Later That Afternoon**

Colonel Daryl Tyler was waiting for the Staff Sergeant when he came walking in. He returned his salute, told him to close the door, and leaned back in his chair. "So, I heard that there was a little wager on if the new man, Goodman, is that his name, could beat your best time on that engine rebuild?

"Yes sir, there was a small wager."

"Come on, Bucky, don't keep me in suspense. What was the time that he came up with?"

"Four hours, twenty seven minutes, flat, Sir."

"And what was the best time that your unit had posted."

"Four hours, fifty three and a half minutes, Sir."

"So he took a full half hour off the time?" the Colonel said, not really believing what he was hearing.

"Yes, Sir, just like he said he would."

"Did he cut any corners, or miss anything that needed to be done?"

"No Sir. I watched them do everything. All the parts that needed to be changed out were. Everything that needed to be inspected was brought to me, so I could look at it. If anything, I would say that they were being overly cautious in making sure they were doing the job correctly."

"And how much is this all going to cost me?"

"You're not going to believe it. He settled for a weekend pass every other weekend to go and see his wife."

"I've looked at his file. I don't know how he did it, but he married a Navy nurse. I tell you what, keep an eye on him for the next two weeks, and see what he's made of. If he is someone who we think we would want here permanently, maybe I could see if we could get his wife transferred down here to work in our medical center."

"I'm sure he would appreciate it a whole lot, Sir. There is one thing more that I need. I would like to borrow one of your clerk-typists for a few hours. I want Corporal Goodman to go over each and every step that he did today, and get it written down, so the rest of the men can read through it and familiarize themselves with it."

"Talk to my secretary, and get whoever and whatever you need. The only thing I ask, is that when it gets printed up, that Corporal Goodman and the rest of your unit get the credit for publication. Then share it with the whole maintenance group. This is too important just to keep to ourselves."

"Yes, Sir." The Sergeant turned on his heel and left the Colonel's office. He made all the arrangements with the Colonel's secretary and then went to rejoin his unit.

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**One month latter**

About four weeks later, in one of his regular phone calls to Charlotte, Russell was wondering what had happened to her. She seemed overly excited, but also seemed like she couldn't put her thoughts into words. Several times she would start off talking to him about something, and then her words just started to trail off until there was silence.

"Charlotte, is there anything wrong. Do I have to ask for emergency leave to come up there and take care of you? Talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

Charlotte drew in a deep breath and slowly released it before trying to talk. "Russell, did you do or say anything that they want to transfer me from the hospital here?"

Russell was stunned at what she asked. "I don't think that I have been here long enough to get anyone angry with me. I think the men in my unit like me. Why? Where is it that they want to transfer you?"

"Are you ready for this? Camp Pendleton Medical Center. I really don't know what to make of it. My nursing supervisor pulled me aside this morning to talk to me. She told me that she knew I was married and that you were stationed there. She asked me if I would like a transfer there so that I could be closer to you. It's our decision. If we want to do it, I can be down there permanently in a month."

Russell almost dropped the phone when he heard the news. He drew a deep breath too, before he told his wife.

"Charlotte, the decision is really yours. No matter what position you feel is the best for your career, no matter where you feel that you can do the most good and help the most people, I will support you in whatever decision you make."

"Russ, do you want me down there with you, maybe find a place off base so we can be together every single night?"

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"So, if I ask for the transfer, I would make you happy?"

"You know it would, if that's what you really want."

"I'll contact the people I need to talk to and get things started. I wonder who we need deal with to get some decent off base housing."

"I'll try and get that done down on this end. It's the least that I can do for us."

The two of them went on discuss the things that normal couples (who were separated by distance, but whose hearts were joined by ties of love) talk about, to try to shrink the distance and strengthen the emotional ties, as they attempt to live as normal a life as possible.

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**Oak Knoll Naval Hospital**

Charlotte met the next day with her nursing supervisor, Nurse Sprague.

She started off by saying, "You know I really love my job here at Oak Knoll, working with the troops that are just coming back from Vietnam. I know that I'm needed here, but I also need to be with my husband. If we are to have any hope of having a family, we need to get started soon. I'm thirty years old, almost too old to think about starting a family. Russ is a couple of years younger than I am, and I don't want to lose him to someone younger, you know, out of sight out of mind. I was wondering, is that offer of a transfer down to Pendleton still available to me?"

Her supervisor looked at her and answered in her thick southern drawl, "Child, I have now idea how you have managed to cope this long apart from your man. You know, if I were a few years younger myself..."

A huge smile came across her face. "Don't you worry your little heart over it. I will start the paperwork today, and get you back with your man. All I can tell you is to love him like there is no tomorrow."

"Oh I will," Charlotte assured her.

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**Camp Pendleton, Southern California**

Corporal Goodman arrived at the maintenance shop that same morning to find a message waiting for him. Colonel Tyler wanted to see him as soon as possible. He turned around and left, as the members of his unit started razzing him over what he must have done wrong to get called on the carpet already.

The Colonel's secretary told him to go on in, because he was expected.

Russell entered the Colonel's office, saluted, and said, "Corporal Goodman, reporting as ordered, Sir," and waited at attention.

The Colonel returned his salute. "At ease, Corporal, I've heard nothing but good about you since you joined this outfit."

"Thank you, Sir. I try to help whenever I can."

"There's no need to thank me. You have done all the work. I'm just wondering if there might be something that I can do to help you out and show you my appreciation?"

"Sir?"

"I hear that you wife is trying to work out a transfer to the medical facility here on the base."

A very surprised look came across the Corporal's face.

"How could you know about that, Sir? I mean, Charlotte was planning on asking..."

"I have my sources, Corporal. And if this is something that will help keep you happy to be here and make sure you stay for an extended period of time, I want to make sure I do everything that I can to expedite it."

"I don't understand what you mean, Sir."

"My wife, Lynda, has a friend who is a real estate agent. She has worked with a lot of servicemen to provide housing for them and their families. I take it that you would like off base housing so you two can be together a little more than you are now?"

Russell felt like scratching his head. Had the Colonel become a mind reader?

This was exactly what he was planning to do later in the week, as soon as he heard that Charlotte put in her transfer request. "Yes, Sir. I was planning to look and see what was available, and then have Charlotte come down and look at whatever I found."

"Here is Karen's card. Give her a call, and let her know what you are in the market for, and she can do all the looking for you. Besides, she's a woman, and knows what little things a woman might expect in a home that a man might not even think of."

Accepting the relator's card, Russell looked at the officer with a huge smile on his face, "You have a point, Colonel, I never even thought about that. I will give her a call and see what she comes up with."

"Make sure you do, Corporal, I want you here in my outfit for a long time. Dismissed." With that he gave Russell a salute and went back back to his paperwork.

Russell left the office, wondering if Charlotte was going to believe what just happened. He would call the real estate agent tomorrow over lunch and tell her what they wanted. He thought he knew what Charlotte wanted, but he better make sure. He would give her a call that evening and they would discuss exactly in what type of home they wanted to live.

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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This is a prologue, setting the scene for Michelle's birth, childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. I have taken some lessons from Eric and I broke the internet – not the whole thing, just my dial-up connection through Juno. Now I am in the ciber age with real internet so I can post this. **

**PLEASE NOTE - This chapter deals with the touchy subject of miscarriages. If this topic is a sensitive one for you, please do not read this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: **The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

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**Quinn**

**Chapter 6**

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**Camp Pendleton, Southern California**

The phone call between Charlotte and Russell was an exceptionally long one. Charlotte told Russell about going forward with the transfer and Russell told her about having a real estate agent helping them find their new home.

Then the two of them talked about all the things they would like to have in a home. It would have to be a rental, because they didn't have the money for a down payment to buy their own. The two of them being military, they might always be transferred to another post.

They would need at least three bedrooms, a master for them and the rest for the children they were going to have, separate bedrooms the girls and boys. There needed to be at least a small yard, ideally with an area where a small flower garden could be started.

Russell wanted to have some people in the neighborhood who worked at the base. Right now they could only afford one car, and it would probably happen that both of them might have to go in to work, but at different times.

All of these were things the two of them felt that they had to have in their new home. There were a few more things that they wanted, such as a basement, a garage, and maybe a tree or two. They both agreed though, that they would not reject a house that lacked these extra things. Russel wrote all these things down and promised to tell them to the real estate agent to help her in her search.

Three days later, Russell got a notice to call the real estate agent. She had found four places for the two of them to look at. Two in Oceanside; One was in Carlsbad; and the final one was in San Marcos. Russell made an appointment with her to look at all four of them the following weekend, when Charlotte was available to go along with him.

One of the men in his outfit heard him talking to the realtor, and waited for him to return to the squad. He and his wife had a spare room in their house and offered to put Charlotte up for the weekend. She could stay with them however long she needed to be down here. This way they would not be rushed, before they found a home where they were going to live. Two others also offered to have her stay at their homes. Russell politely turned all three of them down, claiming that Charlotte preferred to stay at a motel, because she did not want to bother anyone.

One of the men in his outfit heard him talking to the realtor, and waited for him to return to the squad.

Someone in the back of the group laughed and asked him, "The night noises she makes, or is it you."

Russell felt a blush redden his cheeks, as he turned and walked away, without saying anything, He refused to let them know how close they came to the truth.

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**That Following Weekend**

Charlotte flew down late Friday night. Her supervisor had given her the following week off as well, in case they needed more time to find their new home. Russell had planned for them to have a late supper and they talked a little over the meal. They decided to to go to bed early, so they could get an early start in the morning.

On Saturday, Karen, their realtor, picked them up at their motel at 9:00 AM. She had planned drive them to look at the four homes she selected for them to inspect. They looked at three of them in the morning, and stopped for lunch at a small diner. Then they went out and looked at the final one before she dropped the couple back at their motel.

They sat down on the bed, and nervously looked at each other. Neither of them had ever done this before. Each of them carefully listed what they liked and disliked about each of the four homes.

Russell felt that the one in San Marcos was a little too far away for the two of them to be commuting to the base. He didn't mind the driving, but he didn't want Charlotte to face all that traffic every day.

The one in Carlsbad had five bedrooms and was just a little too much house for what they wanted.

The two in Oceanside were about the same distance from the base. Both were nice, but one of them seemed just perfect for what they wanted. It had their required three bedrooms, also had a garage and a huge tree in the front yard. There was no white picket fence, but it seemed to suit both of them. They left a message for Karen to start the paper work to set up a lease for them.

The small sleepy town of Oceanside changed drastically in 1942, when Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton was authorized. The base quickly started its build up for the war effort along the edge of the California town. Oceanside then became a company town, the home to U.S. armed forces personnel. Along with the troops, a great deal of wartime industry moved into the area to help win WWII.

In the 1950s, there still was an ammunition manufacturing facility in the industrial section of the city. Their next door neighbors to the north, Allen and Patricia Hargraves, both had worked there. Patricia was there for just a few years during the war. Allen started there when the company first moved the plant into town. He retired from the company four years ago.

The people living in the house just to the south of them were professional people. James Ramseyer was a pharmacist and worked at one of the drug stores downtown. His wife, Monica, was a civilian who worked in the pharmacy of the base medical center. Charlotte was happy to hear that, because she might be able to ride to work with her if she needed it.

Karen called and told them they could come over at 10:00 AM on Monday to sign the lease papers. Russell called in to Colonel Tyler's office to request a couple of days off, if it could be arranged. He found out that the Colonel figured that he still had eight days of weekend passes due to him because of the bet Sergeant Buchannon made with him. If he was living close to the base, he could be called back whenever he was needed. He had left word for Russell to take the whole week off to get his home set up. What he did ask was that they got their home phone connected as soon as possible, so they could contact him if there was an emergency.

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**Monday Morning || Oceanside California**

After signing the lease, they drove over to their new house. Russell picked Charlotte up, and carried her over the threshold. He set her down right, and they celebrated their new home with a kiss.

They walked through their empty house and Charlotte was the first to speak.

"It seems strange, Russ, the place is so empty. I can hear our footsteps echoing as we walk."

"That will all change when we get some furniture in here. What do you think we need to look at first?"

"First thing we need to do is to go to a furniture store and buy a bed and a new mattress. I am not sleeping on any used mattress."

"Okay, anything else?"

"Maybe a mirrored dresser and an armoir to store our clothes?"

I suppose that the rest of the furniture we might need right away we could be get from second hand and thrift stores. Sarg told me where a few of them were and I planned to check them out later that afternoon.

**Later That Day**

The bedroom furniture was delivered early that afternoon. His next door neighbor, Allen Hargraves, saw the furniture truck, and came over to to talk to Russell. He introduced himself again, and asked about the furniture being delivered.

"Do you need any help in getting it set up." he asked.

"No, Charlotte is showing the delivery people where she wants everything placed. I know enough just to stay out of it." Russell replied.

"Are you going to buy everything new and have it delivered?" Allen asked.

"No, for most of it we plan to go check out the thrift stores." Russell explained. "This way we can get enough furniture to fill the house right away. Then, slow but sure, we can upgrade what we have with something new. But that will be when we can afford it and if we find something that we both like better."

"Well, I'll tell you what. I have an old pickup truck in the garage. I used to use it for camping trips up in the mountains. That's when I was still working. and several of the guys were still working with me. It runs fairly well. You should be able to use it to bring any furniture you find home with you. I'll help you unload it and haul it in when you get back. You want to use it?"

"Yes, thank you so much," Russell accepted.

Three hours later Russell pulled the pickup truck into his driveway. The back bed was loaded with a kitchen table and four chairs, a couch, and a bunch of boxes that looked like they had dishes, pots, and pans in them.

Charlotte got out of the truck and started to order her husband.

"Now, Russell, I want you to bring that kitchen table in first. I need to wash it down first, so I have something clean to set my plates on. You will not set the plates or cookware on the table. Put those boxes on the floor. I will take everything out and clean it before we use it.

When you have it all moved in, then run down to the store. Buy me some bread, hamburger, onions, potatoes, ketchup, mustard, salt and pepper, so I can fix you something to eat."

"Yes, dear." was all that Russell said. He picked up the table and moved it into the house.

He went outside and found Allen standing by the pickup. "What do you want carried in next, Russell?" the neighbor asked.

"Just leave it, Allen," Russell exclaimed. "You've done more than enough already for us. Besides, Charlotte has given me orders on what goes in where. I don't want her to think that I am trying to get out of doing what she wants."

"Right," Allen answered him with a chuckle. "Don't worry about it. That's what neighbors are for."

Then he stared intently at Russell. "You've been married how long and you've already found out that the woman always wears the pants in the family? If we men want anything done, we have to make it seem like it was their idea to begin with."

"Oh, ain't that the truth." Russell said.

Both of them grabbed two chairs and headed toward the kitchen.

"Let's get these boxes inside next, then we can work on the couch." Allen said as he was halfway to the house.

"When Russell brought the final box into the kitchen, he pulled Charlotte aside and asked her, "Hey, Darling, how about we both go to the store and get what you need, after we take the Hargraves to supper at the burger joint a couple of blocks away. It's the least that we can do for them loaning us the pickup and all their help today."

"Sounds good, Russ. I'll put myself together a little bit, and you go ask, okay?"

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Spring, 1966**

The newest renters on the block easily merged into the rest of their community. They didn't have to work out the details on who got the car to drive to work. One of their neighbors in the next block worked in same area on the base as Russ. He offered to give Russell a ride whenever he needed one. Russell made sure he accepted this help, only when he and Charlotte worked different hours. He also offered to drive when his neighbor needed a ride.

Charlotte wanted to have a flower garden in the front yard, and maybe a small vegetable garden in the back. They contacted the owners and asked if this would be okay. When they were told that they could go ahead. Russell turned over some of the ground in front of the porch. Charlotte planted hollyhocks, day lilies, sedum, cone flowers, and garden phlox. Soon the front garden was a riot of color.

Allen and Patricia Hargraves had a small garden plot in the back of their yard. They had not used it for the past couple of years since their grandchildren moved away. Patricia told Charlotte she could plant whatever she wanted there. She helped out the younger woman, showing her what grew best in what area og the garden. She treated Charlotte as if she were one of her own children.

For all their kindness to the new neighbors, Russell made sure their lawn was mowed every time that he mowed his own.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Summer || Oceanside California**

As the weeks turned into months, the bedroom that they had set aside to be the nursery mocked Russell each time he passed it. The sex with Charlotte was great. He had no complaints at all about that. But it all was supposed to be a means to an end.

Charlotte was supposed to get pregnant. He was supposed to nurture her while she nurtured their child. At the end of nine months, a new life would be entrusted to their care. A little one, who fill the nursery with soft coos and giggles when contented, and lusty cries when in need of their care. But right now the room, like Charlotte's womb was empty.

Russell could have sworn that he was doing it the right way. It certainly wasn't from lack of trying, either, because three or four times a week, every week, they managed to find time for each other that ended up with the two of them in bed, making love. Why nothing happened, he could not tell. They even tried to chart her cycle, and made sure they made love, while she was the most fertile.

Still nothing happened. Both of them were starting to get frustrated. Was it his fault? Was it hers? Were they just going to be one of those couples that were never going to have kids of their own? Would adoption be their only option – an option that he had not even thought of discussing with Charlotte. Should he even bother bringing it up to her? She had been trying just as hard to conceive, as he had to get her pregnant. It just wasn't fair. How many people were out there, that didn't want the children they were bringing into the world? And here they were, wanting a child so bad, trying so hard to have one, and getting nowhere.

Charlotte knew how badly this was tearing Russell up. She didn't know how he was able to cope with it. She, at least, could break down and cry to remove some of the anguish, pain, and stress. It would happen to her at some of the worst moments. One minute she would be fine, the next she was bawling uncontrollably. On the job, people were beginning to look at her, shake their heads, and start to wonder what was going on in her mind. Was she just starting to lose it completely, or did something happen to her at home. Of course, they were too polite to ask her about it. So she had to deal with it, all by herself.

She tried talking to Russell about it once. All that did was degenerate into a heated discussion, each of them asking the other if they knew who or what was causing it. Each of them told the other that they didn't think the other one was the problem, although neither one of them completely believed that. That night ended with Russell refusing to talk any more. In fact, it was three days later before he came to her and apologized for how he treated her, and they ended up, trying one more time to conceive a child.

At some point, they just gave up on the idea of children. The amount and intensity of their love life did not diminish, but they no longer expected anything to result from it. They resigned themselves to the fact that they would be a couple without children of their own.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**San Jacinto Mountains**

In August of 1966, Russell booked a mountain cabin near Lake Hemet for a romantic weekend, The lake was nestled in the San Jacinto mountains near Idyllwild, about an hour and a half from camp.

What he wanted was to get the two of them away from everything that was causing them so much stress. He told Charlotte that it was a belated anniversary present, and finally convinced her to pack a few things for the two days. She decided to go and enjoy herself with him.

It started off very tentative. They almost seemed as if they were two teenagers again. It was the end of prom night, and both had slipped away from their parents. The had sneaked off to a motel room for a night of young love. But each one of them was afraid to make the first move.

Eventually, one kiss led to another, and another. Soon all of the stress and worry that seemed to overwhelm them back home went away, and they started to enjoy themselves, and each other. They seemed to come back home with a new outlook on life.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Camp Pendleton, Southern California**

Charlotte's feelings of depression seemed to return over the next two weeks. Russell became extremely discouraged because of it. Each day she seemed more and more exhausted when she got home from work. She would usually just plop down on the couch and fall asleep there. Russell began preparing their evening meals, or ordering in take out. Then he sat with her and rubbed away the tension headaches that she was getting quite regularly. Sometimes he also rubbed her feet. Sometimes she complained that standing on them all day long caused them to hurt. By the time her shift was done some days, she was shuffling in pain, not walking. He wanted to talk to her about it, but she just said she wasn't up to it, or ran off for one of her many bathroom breaks.

Charlotte didn't know what was going on with her body. She just attributed it to all the stress that she had come home to. Some of these symptoms were normal for her right before she got her period. She normally was quite regular, but the stress could have been causing a delay there too. She knew she was late. But since they stopped charting her cycle, she had lost track of when it was supposed to be. So Charlotte could not be sure exactly when the last one was.

Finally, she made an appointment at work to see her doctor over her lunch hour. Recently, she didn't feel like eating anyway. Usually it was one bite and she was done. She blamed it on everything that was going on in her life, and how much stress she felt at home. The doctor examined her, drew some blood samples, and promised to call her with the results.

Just before her shift ended, the call from the doctor came through, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. She was just pregnant.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Later that day**

"Pr...pr..pregnant? How can I be pregnant? I don't get pregnant. We've been trying for over a year and we couldn't get pregnant. Are you sure? Really sure?" she blubbered.

"Let me assure you, the results are positive, Mrs. Goodman. You are pregnant. You are going to have a child" Dr. Bennett confirmed.

A look of shock came over her face. Then she quickly turned away from the others at the nursing station. She wanted to share the news with Russell before her coworkers found out. She dialed the number for the maintenance shop. She could hardly stand it as she waited until he came to the phone.

"Russell," she said trying to control her emotions as much as she could. "Could you find some way to get over here to the med center when you get done over there? I think you are going to have to drive me home. Right now, I am in no condition to drive."

"What's the matter?' he immediately asked. She could hear the worry and concern in his voice. "Did something happen to you? Are you all right? If something is wrong I can knock off right now and come over there for you."

"Something did happen, but I am all right. I saw a doctor today and it was confirmed..."

"You saw a doctor? Are you sure you are..." he was getting more and more concerned about his wife.

"No, Russell, listen to me." she interrupted. "It happened a while ago, in fact, I think it was that weekend we went up to the mountains. I'm pregnant."

There was dead silence over the phone. Charlotte became worried about his reaction. "Russell, RUSSELL," she shouted.

All of a sudden she heard this whoop on the other end of the line. It was so loud, that she almost didn't need a phone to hear it all the way from the maintenance shop.

"I'll get a ride over there just as soon as I can finish up here. Think about where you want to eat tonight. We are going to go out and celebrate. I love you, honey." and then he hung up. Charlotte held onto the phone for a minute or two, delighted that she could bring such joy to her husband.

Both of them shared their good news with their coworkers. They graciously accepted all the offered congratulations. The smiles that they wore for the rest of the day were ones that would just not quit.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Oceanside, California**

As they pulled up to their house that evening, it seemed as if it too was transformed. No longer was it the building they had known. No longer were two lonely people rattling around in it, just existing from day to day.

Instead, it had become a place of future parents could see their children running around in the yard. They could hear the laughter and giggles as their future children, as they played tag, and hide and seek in the yard. Russell would teach his future son how to throw a football or hit a baseball. Maybe Charlotte would show a future daughter how to plant vegetables and train roses to grow to get the best blossoms. How strange it was to think about things like that after all this time. But all of these possibilities were now available to this family.

Everything was becoming more and more real for them, because of the child that Charlotte was carrying.

The two of them sat down, and started to talk about that closed off room upstairs. They were once again calling it the nursery. Once again they were planning to make it a place of love and wonder for their child. No longer would that room mock them with its emptiness. It would be filled with new life, the life that even now was being nurtured under Charlotte's heart.

When they went to bed that night, they made love. It was slow, deliberate, celebratory love. A new and exciting chapter of their life was now beginning. Every move, every gesture, every touch was filled with joy and tenderness. They delighted in showing each other, just how thankful each of them was for this.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Tri-City Medical Center || Oceanside, California**

Eleven days later, Charlotte woke up at 4 AM, with extreme pain in her abdomen. It was somewhat like cramps she had felt before. But this was far worse than anything she had ever experienced before. She got out of bed and stumbled over to the bathroom. There she managed to make it onto the toilet, where she sat, doubled up and panting, until the pain subsided. She got up, and turned around to flush it, and all she saw was the blood.

"RUSSSSS...ELLLLL" she screamed. She quickly grabbed hold of the vanity for support. The shock was so great she was afraid that she was going to fall to the floor.

Russell came fumbling into the bathroom, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What's wrong, honey? Why did you scream like that?"

To answer him, Charlotte just pointed at all the blood in the toilet. She tried to speak, but no words came from her mouth.

Russell was shocked by what he saw. He flushed the toilet and put the seat down so Charlotte could sit there. Then he got a washcloth from the towel rack and wet it with warm water from the sink. He started to wipe the blood from Charlotte's legs and genital area.

Since she was still bleeding, he made sure that she had something to hold onto for support. He went back to the bedroom and pulled out a long nightshirt for her, a pair of cotton panties, her housecoat and slippers. He took these back to the bathroom and helped her change, using another washcloth as a pad in her panties to stop the blood.

Getting her into the car, he drove the few blocks to the relatively new Tri-City Medical Center. He guided Charlotte into the ER, helped her to sit down. He went to reception and started to explain what was happening to her. A nurse helped her to one of the examination rooms. A doctor soon rushed over to the room, as Russell was wondering what had happened.

The nurse came out and went to the desk to get a piece of paper. She then explained to Russell that Charlotte had suffered a miscarriage, and that she still was bleeding into her uterus. They wanted him to sign the emergency surgical consent form so that they could do a D & C to stop the bleeding. After they explained the procedure to him, he signed the form, and Charlotte was taken to surgery.

When she was brought to her room, Russell was finally allowed to see her. She was still groggy from the anesthetic, but as soon as she saw him, she burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry, Russ. I don't know what I did or didn't do to cause this." she sobbed. Turning her face away from him, she and continued to weep into her pillow.

He went over to the side of her bed and started rubbing his hand up and down her arm. He lowered his head and whispered in her ear, words of comfort and reassurance. "Don't cry, honey. It wasn't your fault. You are not to blame."

Russell wished that someone could say the same words to him. Tears were filling his eyes too, as his wife's pain, and the loss of their child, was tearing him apart.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Later that morning**

When he knew that Sergeant Buchannon would be in for work, Russell put in a call to on the base. In a very sleepy voice, he explained what had happened with Charlotte. He told him that as soon as she was discharged, he was going to take his wife home, and spend the day taking care of her.

"Don't worry about anything," the Sergeant said. "I'll call over to the medical center and explain the situation to them for you. Your wife needs you to be there with her. If you need anything, just ask. Call me later tonight and let me know how things are going."

"Thank you," was all Russell could say.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**The Goodman home || Oceanside, California  
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The house that yesterday appeared to be vibrant and glowing now looked dull and void. Charlotte walked over to their couch and sunk into its cushions. Russell wanted to take her upstairs and put her to bed, but she refused to walk up there. She would have to go past that one room that yesterday held all their hopes, and today held all their sorrows.

He let her be, deciding not to argue with her and all the meds that were still coursing through her body. Sitting in a chair opposite her, he watched her sleep, wondering why this happened to them. He remembered someone at the hospital, telling him that perhaps up to fifty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriages. How was that supposed to help them, who had one hundred percent of their pregnancies end that way? It just wasn't fair. It was their child. A child he will never get to know. Silent tears filled his eyes, as he began thinking of all the future events that were never to be, because their child was no longer there.

Charlotte had let her emotions drain all the energy from her. She fell asleep and dreamed holding her child. She couldn't see her baby's face, and the infant was struggling to get out of her grasp. She placed the child on the floor on its hand and knees, and the child started crawling away from her. She woke up screaming, "NOOOoooo!", opened her eyes, and only saw Russell, kneeling alongside her, gently rubbing her arm and the side of her head. With tears in her eyes, she asked him, "It's true, isn't it? I wasn't just dreaming? We lost our child?"

Russell was overcome with sadness at her questions, and couldn't even say the words. He just nodded his head, and put his arms around her, his head next to hers, and both started weeping uncontrollably.

The only intimacy in their lives now was when Charlotte began crying over something that reminded her of their loss, and Russell held her in his arms until she got through it. She took to sleeping in a recliner in the third bedroom, not even being able to go near that lifeless, empty room, on the way to their bedroom. She had Russell buy a couple of packing wardrobes and some new empty boxes with tops from a moving company. After she completely moved out of her bedroom, Russell was lefft to face the night hours all by himself in that part of the house.

On his part, Russell put up the brave show. Always trying to be strong for his wife, he tried not to show any sorrow or emotional pain. He feared if he did, Charlotte would pick up on it, and go through more pain of her own. Inside, though, he too was being emotionally ripped apart each and every day. Different things in the house, little things their friends might say, even the sight of a strange couple pushing a child in a baby buggy, would bring the raw feelings up to the surface within him one more time, to remind him what was not to be.

**Four Months Later**

It was nearly four months before Charlotte came into their bedroom in the middle of the night, and crawled into bed with him. "Hold me," she begged. "I'm so tired of being alone and lonely."

Russell put his arms around her and drew her close. "You are not alone. I am always here for you."

"Thank you," she whispered, and put her head on his shoulders, closed her eyes, and tried to fall asleep.

He could feel how much apprehension was still in control of her body. Sso he softly rubbed big circles over her back, until her breathing deepened, as she slowly allowed herself to surrender to slumber.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

Three weeks later, early in the morning, Russell was still sleeping. He was spooned behind his wife with one arm laying over her side. Charlotte took his hand, and brought it to her breast, and held it there. She kept her hand over his so he could not move it away.

Russell woke up to find himself touching her so intimately. He quickly pulled his hand away, not wanting to upset her. Charlotte had started to doze off. Now she felt something was missing. She turned around and gave Russell a kiss, and replaced his hand, keeping it where she wanted it to stay.

For three nights the intimate touching was enough to satisfy both of them. But finally, all of their pent up emotions broke through the walls that they had built up to contain them. The sexual assault that each of them unleashed on the other could almost have been called rape, except that it was done by both of them, with full consent of the other, satisfying their deepest primal urges. From that moment on, their desires overcame their fears. Their sex life became more composed, but still satisfying. Their love for each other slowly started to heal the wounds of their souls.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**January, 1967 **

Charlotte's body seemed more receptive to a second pregnancy. She had hoped that they would finally get to experience parenthood. She kept monitoring her body, for the tell tail signs, and she was not disappointed. Looking back with a smile, she thought once more about their own New Year's Eve party after they got home from the hospital party. That could have been the night their child was conceived. At least, that was the story she would tell everyone, when she finally would tell them that she was pregnant again. She didn't want to have to deal with all of the looks of pity and all the advice that people would give her on how not to lose this child.

Russell was overjoyed when she told him the news. He was also worried if Charlotte would be able to carry the baby to term. Or would they have to face the same devastating loss they experienced with the first one.

He tried talking about it with her. "Honey, we've just been given a chance to start over again. This time we..."

Charlotte snapped at him, "Don't you dare think of this child as one to replace the one we lost. That was our child too, just as much as this one is, and don't you ever, EVER, forget it."

"Honey, I would never think of this child as a replacement. Our first child is gone. We never got to know our baby, but it doesn't mean that we will ever forget about him or her. We have been given another child, our second one. Our role right now is to do everything we can to make sure we get to know this child. That we do everything we can, until we have a little baby handed to us at the hospital. Then when this baby is old enough to understand, we can share the story about an older brother or sister. One who tried so hard to be born, but just was not strong enough to survive.

"Promise me, Russell, you will always think of our first child that way. I never want to forget the baby that was here for way too short a time."

"I will, Honey." he said, as he kissed her gently on the forehead.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

They lived their lives in guarded optimism, keeping the news to themselves, until they were sure that they would not lose this baby too. Neither of them wanted to go through the barrage of questions with which both the families had overwhelmed them previously. Nor could either one of them endure the looks of condolence and sympathy that hid the thoughts of pity and anguish for them one more time. They had already gone through all that from the people with whom they worked. If they didn't tell anyone and lost the child again, no one need ever know. If those around them should find out about the pregnancy from Charlotte's growing belly and her overall glow, that would be fine. It would be a little further into the pregnancy, beyond the time that they were worried about, when they lost their first child.

They did everything that they were supposed to do and avoided everything that they thought would harm their child. St. Patrick's day came and went, and they breathed a sigh of relief as they made it past the ten week mark. There still was a long way for them to go, but both of them thought that they had gotten through the worst part of the waiting.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**March, 1967 || Camp Pendleton Med Center**

Charlotte was at work when she suffered her second miscarriage. Not only did she have to deal with the sorrow of the loss of her child, she also felt the shame of it occurring where everyone she worked with knew what had happened. She had been spotting earlier that week, but it seemed to have stopped. Her nausea had started up again, but she felt that was just a symptom of the pregnancy.

The pain in her womb felt like someone had kicked her there, and caused her to stagger. If she hadn't grabbed hold of the desk at the nursing station, she would have crumbled down to the floor. Then she noticed the bleeding had started, and she tried to get over to a chair to sit down. Barely making it, she asked Nancy, the nurse who was on duty with her, "Nancy, could you get one of the doctors for me, and call Russell over at the maintenance shop."

Nancy turned and looked at her, "A doc... oh my God, Charlotte, you're bleeding."

"I think I'm having a miscarriage, Nancy, that's why I need one of the doctors."

"I need a doctor to Nursing Station West, STAT." Nancy made the announcement, and then went over to see what she could do to help Charlotte.

Two doctors arrived almost immediately. Charlotte told them what she thought was happening. They got her on a gurney and rushed her over toward the surgical area of the hospital where she could be evaluated better.

Nancy called Russell and told him what had happened to Charlotte and where they had taken her. He promised to be over there in ten minutes.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Several hours later**

Another child lost. Another D & C. Another waking up in a hospital room, feeling empty and alone, even though there were people around her. Another round of "what if..." and "why didn't...". More self blame and self incrimination.

When she saw Russell come in, she rolled away from him and turned her face toward the wall. She couldn't bear to look at him, fearful of what she would see in his face. She was the one who carried his child. And she had failed, one more time. How could he love her when she was such a failure? He must have severe misgivings and a lot of second thoughts about her.

Having her turn away from him hurt Russell almost as bad as losing their baby. He knew what was going through her mind, because it was going through his, too. He kept looking back and wondering what more he could have done to help her carry their child to term.

He didn't know what to say to her, so he just softly rubbed her shoulder, hoping that little contact would let her know he was there for her; that his love was still as strong as it was before they left for work that morning.

"Charl..." he started to say.

She didn't let him finish as she turned around, looked him straight in the eye, and snapped at him, "Are you satisfied? You were right. I can't do it. I can't ... I just can't ..." and broke down crying as she again turned to face the wall. To remove his hand, she shrugged her shoulder, causing both of them to be alone.

Tears formed in Russell's eyes. He didn't think she was angry at him, but rather their situation. Yet it still hurt, that she could feel that way. He left the room to go and find some coffee. Maybe, after she had had a chance to sleep, and all the drugs were again out of her body, the two of them could talk. But later, when he returned, he found that depression had settled over her, just like the late night fog upon the California coastline. It had seeped into every little part of her. She turned off all of her emotions. Her conversations with others, including Russell, were totally avoided, in her attempt to cope. She didn't want to go back to work. She didn't want to do much of anything. She just wanted to stay in bed most of the day. There she would lay curled up in a fetal position, wondering what more she needed to do to carry a child to term, or silently crying over the child she no longer carried.

After two weeks of her refusing to talk with him, Russell knew that they needed someone to help them deal with all this. Russell himself was not a particularly religious man. But he went over to the chaplain's office one day in his desperation. He told the Catholic priest on duty what was happening in the lives of him and his wife. Looking at the officer, he asked him point blank, "Sir, are we being punished for something we have done in our past lives?" Is God angry at us, that we have to suffer so much?"

"Corporal, I don't think that God keeps a ledger and marks down everything wrong that you do. Then He thinks of ways to make you pay for each and every one of them. God is not angry with you just so He can think of ways to make you suffer".

"But if it is not a religious reason, how else can we explain what both Charlotte and I are going through?"

"I cannot tell you just why it is happening, Corporal. The only thing I can do is help you deal with it."

"It's not so much me, Father, it's more my wife. She is having a hard time dealing with this. Her faith is not strong, and I don't want her to go from being angry with herself to being angry with God."

"There is a man on the post here, a Dr. Sydney Freeman. He is a Marine Major, and is also a clinical psychiatrist. He works with people who are going through a mid-life crisis of career, marriage, interpersonal relationships. He just might be the one to help you and your wife."

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**Major Sydney Freeman's Office  
><strong>

For the first three sessions, Charlotte said nothing. She refused to answer his questions, or join in any discussions. Dr. Freeman still tried to include her in all of their discussions. He tried to show them that they didn't do anything wrong, that there was no reason for them to blame themselves, or each other for what happened.

She had heard it all before, and it didn't change anything. Russell supported and took care of her, and it hadn't helped. They tried everything that they could, and they still lost their babies. She knew she had to resign herself to the fact that children were not going to be in the picture for her and Russell, but she didn't know how she was going to do that. She had no idea why Russell wanted her to come and and listen to this doctor.

Then he started asking into their medical history. "How many weeks were you pregnant when you lost your first child?"

"We think she was pregnant maybe six, seven weeks?" Russell answered, looking at Charlotte to get her to confirm his answer.

"And what about this latest pregnancy? How long did you carry your child?" Dr. Freeman asked.

"We think it was at least eleven weeks, closer to twelve." again Russell answered.

Finally Charlotte had enough. "I don't see what any of this has to do with me not being able to carry a child. What difference does it make if I lose them at six weeks or twelve? "I can't bare children. You should try helping me adjust my mind to that fact. The only way we are going to have any children in our household is if we adopt. And with our, I should say my, mental condition about trying to carry a child, I doubt if that would happen either."

Dr. Freeman was glad that Charlotte had finally decided to talk to him. He looked at her and said, "I don't have any magic answer for the two of you. I do think that your body, and your mind, are trying hard to keep the child after you get pregnant. Your child develops inside you, changing each and every week. Then something happens. I don't know if something that is supposed to develop doesn't, or something that is not supposed to develop does, but your mind and body recognize it. It is no longer a child, that can live in this world, that is living inside you. So your body, very reluctantly, spares you of carrying that child to term, only to lose it later."

"I know all that," Charlotte told him. "I am a nurse. I know how the process works."

"You know it in your head, but your heart needs to learn this lesson too."

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"It's normal for you to mourn the loss of your two children. It's not something that parents ever want to go through. But if you hold on to that and let it define your life, you are living in the past. All you will think about is what you should have or shouldn't have done to keep your child alive."

Charlotte looked down at her hands, knowing that was exactly what she was doing.

Dr. Freeman softened his voice as he continued, "And you know what the worst thing about that is? Even if you could find that one single thing that could have been done to change things, there is no way in the world that you could go back and change things."

"So how do you let go?" Charlotte asked, soft sobs starting to shake her body.

"You look forward toward the future, and you fight for it. You look back at what you did in the past. Anything good that you have done, you do it again. If you did something wrong, you change it to make it better.

"Will that make me feel any better?" Charlotte asked, trying to wipe away the tears that started to form.

"You will always have that ache in your heart, a small piece missing for each child that you never held. But someday, if you are very lucky, your heart will be filled with so many happy thoughts and feelings, that the ache will not be as painful, and those missing pieces will not be as large as they seem right now."

"But it hurts so much right now."

"I know, but who is to say? Maybe the pain that you feel right now, that seems so great to you, is to spare you from an even greater pain. What if you would have carried the child to term, only to lose them later in life, when the bonds you would have formed were greater? Would not all those memories almost be overwhelming to deal with?"

"More living in the future, Doctor? Right now I don't know if I can look forward that far."

"All you have to do it take it one day at a time. Some days are going to be worse than others, but eventually, things will get better. Sometimes we have to go through the worst situations possible, for us to truly enjoy the good things when they are given to us."

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**Fall, 1967**

After hearing the same message from the doctor the next three visits, Charlotte began to understand what he was trying to get across to her. It was hard for her some days, especially when she went past the small park near their home. There she saw parents pushing their infant children in buggies and strollers, and she was still childless. _One day, _she thought to herself, _one day that will be me; I will be pushing our child in that park, and people will be looking at me and being jealous of how beautiful my child will be._ Slowly, but surely, her focus had started to change from dwelling on the past, to looking forward to the future.

A new pregnancy just happened. Charlotte couldn't tell when it actually started. Russell had not rented a mountain cabin for the weekend, nor did they make mad passionate love most of the night, as they did at their private New Year's party. But she recognized the feelings and went to have it confirmed by her doctor. As soon as her doctor found out she was pregnant, he wanted to see her every week, just to keep a closer eye on her. She laughed and called it her 'doctor relationship with benefits'.

Both Charlotte and Russell fought to keep this child. They didn't compare this pregnancy to either of the other two. They tried not to think of what had gone on in the past, but looked at everything as if it were exciting and new. They had another reason to be thankful that year as their future baby joined them at the table for Thanksgiving. There were a few presents under the tree for their awaited child, clothing in neutral colors, toys non gender specific.

They both knew that the outcome could be exactly the same as it was in the past. But they were determined not think about that and let the worry consume them.

Charlotte made it through her first trimester, and things appeared to be normal. In her weekly visit three weeks later, couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. He immediately had Charlotte admitted to the hospital, where they ran more tests on her and her child. The diagnosis was confirmed, her child no longer lived. Now they just had to wait until her body would deliver the fetus, or if they would have to operate to remove it. Charlotte asked if they could give her some drug to expel it rather than an operation. What concerned her even more, was that this would be placed on her medical records as a therapeutic or spontaneous abortion. Her religious values would not allow her to do that.

Dr. Bennett agreed to try it her way. He gave her misoprostol to expel the fetus. Because she continued to bleed rather heavily, he also performed the D&C to make sure everything was removed. Charlotte and Russell found out that their child would have been a boy. They named him after Russell, and had his cremated remains laid to rest in the children's section of the Fort Rosencrans National Cemetery. Several of the members that worked at the hospital and the maintenance shop were there to support this couple in their grief.

Russell watched his wife carefully, waiting for her depression to again take hold of her. They grieved for their lost son, but her grief was markedly different than it had been with her first two stillbirths. She didn't seem depressed, instead, she seemed more angered, and he began to wonder what was causing it. Was she angry at herself, and just putting off her depression for a little while? Was she angry at him, blaming him for the loss of their son?

He decided that they needed to talk so that he could find the reason for her anger. If he was going to support her and help her through this, he needed to know the reason for her anger. He made sure that they had some time to talk one evening, and came right out and asked her what was wrong that she appeared angry.

"I am angry, Russ. I am angry that others can have children and we can't." Charlotte said to him, breaking out it tears. "I know it is not your fault, and it is not my fault. I don't know why this is happening to us, but I am angry that it is. I want it to stop. I want to have a living baby of my own to hold and love. Is that too much to ask?' Her tears were drenching Russell's shirt, as she waited for her husband to answer her.

"So, what are you saying, Char? Do you want to try again to have a child, even after all the pain and sorrow we went through so far in trying to have our own children?"

"I guess that is what I am saying. Every time we try, we get a little closer to to that magic nine month mark. If we don't and just give up, it would mean that all we did up to this point was for nothing. We owe it to the three children that we lost to keep on fighting."

Russell pulled her close to him, and kissed away her tears. "We will do this," he told her. "Together."

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	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is a prologue, setting the scene for Michelle's birth, childhood, and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. I am sorry about the delay in updating this story. I have been dealing with some of these very issues among family and friends in RL. The subject is a difficult one and those who struggle with it face a long and difficult road ahead of them.  
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**Disclaimer: **The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

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Quinn

Chapter 7

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**Camp Pendleton || January, 1968**

After her third miscarriage in January, Dr. Bennett met with the couple again. He told them, "I want to send you to a specialist who deals with pregnancy complications. Since I have run out of answers and ways to help you, perhaps better answers could be found there."

Russell looked at Charlotte and then asked, "A specialist? I don't know. That really sounds expensive."

"Dr. William Nash worked at the Women's Health Specialties Clinic and was affiliated with the University of California, San Diego. The state had set up a new program to investigate these medical difficulties with pregnancies. I think Dr. Nash would accept you into the program. I set up an appointment for the two of you at the Pearlman Medical Offices in La Jolla.

Russell, "Isn't there anything closer? Depending on how often he wants to meet it could mean a lot of driving."

It's close," Dr. Bennett said, "it's next to the Thorton Hospital in La Jolla, and that's only about a half hour drive away."

Russell wasn't happy, knowing he would have to deal with new doctors, specialists at that. He really began to wonder if they should start to look into adoption. There were a lot of children with a Vietnamese mother and black father who were orphaned by the war. He decided to look into it on his own, and offer it to Charlotte if this specialist didn't work out.

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**Pearlman Medical Offices || One week later**

Russell was more than a little apprehensive as he pulled into the parking lot at the Pearlman Medical Offices. He parked the car and turned toward Charlotte after the engine stopped.

"Honey, I know we want to have our own kids, but I am wondering if we can afford to this place. Just look at all the brand new buildings here. I know I just made Sergeant and got a raise, but this really looks out of our league."

"Russ, Dr. Bennett said they were doing this under a University program. Maybe they will subsidize it and we won't have to pay as much. We're here now. We could at least go in and talk to them a little bit."

Russel shook his head. He wanted to believe her, but he still was afraid that her desire for a child was going to be greater than what they could afford. He hadn't gotten too far looking into the adoption programs, maybe the idea of such a ritzy place would help him speed up his search. Nevertheless, he got out of the car, walked around to open up Charlotte's door for her, and hand in hand they entered the building.

The receptionist they spoke to called for Nancy, a nurse who led them off to an examination room. First she drew blood from each of them and sent it off to be analyzed.

Charlotte watched skeptically and said to her, "I'm a nurse, and I was just wondering, wasn't that a lot more blood than is normally drawn?"

Nancy just told her, "We do extensive blood testing here. including a few that deal with genetics that you probably have never heard of." Then Nancy asked each a series of questions and wrote down their answers, getting the vital information she needed. When she was done with taking their information, she started to give them information on the program.

Russell interrupted her at that point. "Could you give us a ballpark estimate on how much this is going to cost us? I see all these new buildings and hear about all the new technology that you are planning on using with us, and I know it is not cheap. Neither Charlotte nor I have a whole lot of money, and if it going to cost a lot, then we might as well go home right now and not bother Dr. Nash."

The nurse looked at Russell and told him, "First of all, this whole program is underwritten by a grant of the state of California, so if you have lived here for more than a year and have paid state taxes, you have already been funding this research. Secondly, we only ask for a small copay from our participants. We realize that most of them have already spent large amounts to try to have a child, and we do not want to become another financial burden to them, Last, both of you are military, and your GI bill insurance should even cover your copays. Does that answer your financial questions?"

Russell was even more skeptical as he answered her, "I guess so. I will know for sure when the bills start coming in."

Dr. Nash came in and introduced himself. He started to look over the information that both Russell and Charlotte had given. The questions he asked were pretty much the same as the ones they had been asked by Nancy, his nurse, but the doctor had a way of asking them, that made them seem new, not like they were just going over the same thing over and over again.

Russell tried not to like him, and just think of him as someone who was generating money for the Medical center, but he just couldn't do it. Both Charlotte and Russell liked the way Dr. Nash dealt with them, almost as if he were an old friend and not someone they had just met that day for the first time.

Finally, Dr. Nash asked them about their time in Vietnam. "While you were over there, did either of you come in contact with toxic chemicals, particularly Agent Orange?"

Charlotte told him, "I probably did. There were times that the choppers came in directly from the battlefield. We had to cut the uniforms off of the casualties to attend to their wounds. Then we had to wash the bodies down to clean all the mud, sweat, blood, and other things that might cause contamination and infection. We did that with the living, to prepare them for surgery, and we did that for the dead, to prepare them for the morgue."

"And what about you, Russell?" Dr. Nash asked, as he turned toward him while still writing his notes.

"Probably just like Charlotte," he admitted. "We never really thought about it. The birds came in for us to fix. We never knew where they had been, what they had been doing. They could have been flying through the clouds of spray, or landing in the areas that were just sprayed for all we knew. All we might be able to figure out is if they were in some sort of firefight – by the bullet and shrapnel shell holes in the outer skin. If we weren't careful, sometimes we got nicked or cut on the jagged edges of those holes. I know I got sliced up good a couple of times, started bleeding pretty good. The choppers weren't washed down before we worked on them, so I guess the answer to your question would be yes."

Dr. Nash wrote a few more notes in their file and then closed it, as he looked at them and started explaining why he was asking all this. "There is increasing evidence that toxins, such as Agent Orange, does more than just strip the jungle of hiding places for the enemy. According to some studies, it would appear that it also affects the reproductive systems of people who came in contact with it. This may be what is causing your problems. Part of this study is a long hard look at Agent Orange and how, or if, exposure to this defoliant is still affecting service men and women who came in contact with it while serving in Vietnam. From everything that you have just told me, the two of you are prime examples of the people we need for this study."

Charlotte looked at Russell and saw him balling up his fists. She knew that he had a lot of unresolved issues concerning his time in Vietnam, and this news wasn't helping matters any.

"Damn," Russell exploded. "You think that you can come home and forget about everything that happened there, but the war turns around and bites you in the ass years later and half a world away."

Charlotte looked at her husband with a worried look, then asked Dr. Nash, "Isn't there anything we can do about it? Is there some sort of drug that could counteract this, so that we could have a normal pregnancy?"

Taking a deep breath, Dr. Nash told them, "there is a synthetic hormone, diethylstilbestrol, usually called DES. Some genetic specialists are still giving that to their patients, but the newest tests show it just doesn't work, and I would not recommend it to you."

Russell then asked, "So what are we left with? Anything?" He suddenly realized that any child that they might adopt from there would probably be affected by the Agent Orange spraying as well. He just wondered if he and Charlotte could deal with that in a child, as well as their own bodies.

"You both can make sure that you are as healthy as possible," the doctor assured them. "I can prescribe some general vitamins for you, and advise you eat a sensible diet, easy on the fats and higher on the vegetables, get plenty of restful sleep, cut down on the overtime at work and try not to worry about things. If it is going to happen, it will. Just remember that part of the problem could be your age. The older you are, the older your eggs are, Charlotte, and the less viable they may be because of age."

Russell started shaking his head. "Some of that we have already started. The rest sounds like it is going to be a long, long road, with absolutely no guarantee at the end."

"You're right, but just remember," Dr Nash added, "the two of you are not alone in this. We have a whole team of people here who are ready and willing to help you at any time. We can connect you with a nutritionist to help you change your eating habits to a healthier life style, and, if you want, a psychologist to help you work through the stress and worries."

"Can you make me any younger and give me some younger eggs?" Charlotte asked with a smirk trying to lift her husban's dark mood.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Nash laughed, "we sometimes do miracles here, but that is one I don't think will ever happen."

"That's okay," Russell chuckled as he looked at his wife, "I wouldn't want you any other way."

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**Pearlman Medical Offices || May, 1968**

The two of them continued to meet with Dr. Nash twice a month. They started to follow the suggestions Dr. Nash and the rest of the staff had given to them, and found that they were living much less complicated lives. They spent time in the gym making sure their bodies were in shape, took long walks together at least twice a week, and found that they were much more relaxed when they came home. Even Russell had to admit that the life style changes were good for them. At first he didn't want to give up his steaks and burgers, grilled to perfection in his back yard. But they had found a good store in town where they could get fresh fish daily, and he started experimenting with grilling tuna, swordfish, mahi-mahi, and other types of fish, and found that he truly enjoyed their different flavors.

When the first of the bills began to arrive, Russell was relieved that they were what the nurse said they would be. Their first month's out of pocket expenses came to a whole five dollars. But there was news later in the year that made them happier than the amount they would have to pay. In May Charlotte proved to be pregnant once again.

The couple continued to travel down to La Jolla twice a month to check in with Dr. Nash and his staff. The other two weeks each month they met with Dr. Bennett locally. Even though Charlotte was apprehensive about being pregnant again, every test that they ran on her and the child each week, proved that she was doing fine. She got a little tired during the extended heat of summer, but once it cooled down a little, everything became normal again.

The two of them made it through the summer. The first trimester was behind them and everything still looked very good. Both of them were hoping and praying that things would continue that way. But neither of them would talk about it. They felt that the less said about their future child, the better it would be. If they said something wrong, they were afraid that they would jinx the pregnancy and it would end.

Neither of them told their coworkers that they were pregnant again. When Charlotte began to show, one of the nurses asked her and Charlotte reluctantly admitted it. There was muted congratulations when the word got around. All of the members of the medical center and maintenance shed were hoping that she could carry this child to term.

When Charlotte began to feel dizzy a couple of mornings toward the end of January, Russell immediately called the doctor. He was ordered to bring Charlotte to the hospital at La Jolla, where they could wait out the remaining days of her pregnancy. The medical staff wanted to make sure that everything they might need would be available for them to deliver a healthy child. Charlotte was not happy that she would have to spend the rest of the time waiting in a hospital bed. But after carrying her child almost to term, she would tolerate this over-protective treatment if it meant a healthy baby.

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**Thorton Hospital || La Jolla, CA || February 21, 1969**

Her water broke late Thursday afternoon, and shortly after midnight, on Friday, February 21, 1969, her contractions started to come one right after another. At 2:27 AM, Charlotte gave one final big push and dropped back into the bed, completely exhausted.

Charlotte held her breath as she waited for some sound in the hospital room. Finally, she heard the sudden sound of a slap, and the healthy wail of a small child. She could hear the doctor and nurses talking quietly among themselves, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. She asked repeatedly, "Is my baby all right? Is my child okay?"

A blanket wrapped parcel was handed to her by one of the nurses, "She's perfect. Six pounds fourteen and a half ounces, and nineteen and three quarters inches long."

"A little girl? We have a little girl?" Charlotte asked.

The nurse just nodded and said to her, "Congratulations." as she wiped the sweat from Charlotte's face.

Charlotte opened up the blanket and looked carefully at her daughter. Two arms, two legs, ten fingers and ten toes. A little shudder went through the small child's body and a scowl began to form on her face. Charlotte quickly wrapped her up to keep her warm.

The nurse looked at the baby and laughed. "Looks like someone is hungry."

"Already? Charlotte asked surprised.

"Some of them are always hungry," the nurse answered, as she helped Charlotte prepare to breast feed her daughter. "I'll wait until you are done and are able fix yourself up a little bit before I let your visitors in."

"I know my husband Russell is out there waiting, will you tell him his wife and daughter are fine and doing okay? And could he call both his parents and mine and tell them the good news?"

"I'll go out and tell him," she promised.

**. . . . .**

The whole Goodman family had wanted a boy to carry on the family name, and were slightly disappointed. The best thing that Russell and Charlotte thought they could do was name their child after Charlotte's grandparents.

Michael Johnson, US Navy Seaman, Second Class, had enlisted in the Navy right after Pearl Harbor and served as a mess-boy on the USS Indianapolis, a heavy cruiser, during WWII. His regular job on board was to wait on the tables in the officers' mess and serve them their meals. But his action station was to help protect the ship against the kamikaze and other aircraft attacks. He was a loader, part of the gun crew of one of the six quad mounted Bofors 40 mm antiaircraft guns.

The Indianapolis was a newer ship, faster than most other heavy cruisers in the Navy. It was for this reason that it was chosen to participate in a secret mission to deliver the parts for the first atomic bomb to the island of Tinian. Since the mission was secret, the ship sailed without an escort, a lone blip upon the vast Pacific Ocean. Relieved of her nuclear burden, the Indianapolis was ordered to rejoin the rest of the US Navy in the Philippine Sea to get ready for the invasion of Japan. To remove any danger of the enemy finding out where she was sailing from, the Indianapolis again sailed without escort and didn't zigzag at night so it could make its rendezvous on time. Again, the mission was labeled top secret, so very few knew where the ship was or where she was going.

On July 30, 1945, shortly after midnight, halfway between Guam and the Philippines, the American warship was sighted by the Japanese submarine I-58. The submarine came to periscope depth, and the captain ordered two torpedoes fired against the enemy target. Both of the underwater missiles reached out and delivered their cargo of death. The first one blew off the bow of the cruiser and stopped all forward motion, leaving it dead in the water. The second one was more deadly, hitting directly amidships. It penetrated a powder magazine and exploded in the bowels of the ship, ripping it in half. In just a few minutes, the Indianapolis, mortally stricken, slipped beneath the waves.

About 900 of the 1,196 men aboard made it into the water in the twelve minutes before the ship went under. There were just a few life rafts that were released. Most survivors wore the standard kapok life jacket. The men huddled in small groups, rendering what aid they could to the men around them, and speculating how long it would be before they were listed as missing and they were finally rescued.

The shark attacks began with sunrise of the first day and continued nonstop, day and night. Only 316 men were still left alive when they were rescued, almost five days later. Michael made it into the water, but he gave away his life jacket to another sailor who was injured. Neither of them made it out of the water.

The woman who was eternally waiting for her sailor husband to come home, was also commemorated by using her name, Alyssa, as the baby's middle name.

**. . . . .**

The normal blood tests that were done on every child born in the hospital revealed that Michelle showed higher levels of jaundice than normal. Both Charlotte and Russell appeared somewhat alarmed at the report, but the pediatrician assured them that this was a regular occurrence in newborns. The only thing that had to be done was that Michelle would have to spend several hours each day in the nursery under the bili light. Her parents wanted to take her home as soon as possible. But they realized that this was necessary for the health of their child. Besides, they thought she looked cute in her tiny diaper.

Finally the big day arrived, Michelle was allowed to go home. The parents loaded her into her little car seat and were a little surprised that she fell asleep so quickly. When they got to their house, Michelle awoke and started gurgling as they walked up to the door. Russell thought she was announcing her approval of her new home. Charlotte just though she was hungry again. The new mother sat down on the couch with her daughter in her arms. After Michelle had her fill from her mother's breast and was properly burped, Charlotte took her to the stairway to go up to the nursery.

That room no longer seemed dull and lifeless. Instead, as they reached the top of the staircase, Charlotte thought the room seemed to glow. No one had the capability to go into that room after the miscarriages. It hadn't even been repainted since first time they were expecting a child. Now entering the room, Charlotte marveled how the soft, creamy yellow colors just seemed to be the perfect color for their new little girl.

Later that first night, shortly before Michelle's 2:00 AM feeding, the baby immediately woke up with a sense of something in her room. It still was completely dark, and anyone looking in the door would swear that there was nothing there. But reflected in Michelle's dark brown eyes were three nebulous entities floating above her, one that looked like a child, even smaller than she was, and two other glowing points of light that danced around the ghostly child's head. Michelle did not seem alarmed, or afraid, instead, a look of calm and peace came over her face, as the spirit started to talk to the little girl, the way that spirits and invisible friends always talk to children.

_When you can, let Mommy know that we three are all okay. We are sorry to have caused her so much pain, but it had to happen like this, so that we could watch over you and keep you safe. Know that we will always be with you. Trust what we say, because we are there to help. We love you, little sister, just as much as we love Mommy and Daddy._

Just then, another spirit entered the room, an older man, dressed in an old-fashioned Navy uniform. He went up to the crib where Michelle lay, looked intently at the child, broke out into a great big smile, nodded to his three spirit grandchildren, letting them know that they would be tasked with keeping her safe. Then he walked through the walls of the room, to spend the rest of this, his last shore leave, with the love of his life, before she would join him in his eternal vigil.

One year later, in the middle of summer of 1970, Cameron Ethan was born, giving Russell's family the male child they wanted to help carry on the Goodman name. Tyler Jaden's entry into the world, in the spring of 1972, made this small family complete.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This is a prologue, setting the scene for Michelle's childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED.**

**Disclaimer: **The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

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**Quinn**

**March, 1975 || ****Oceanside California**

"**NOOOO**!" Michelle screamed at her parents at the top of her lungs. The little girl has just come to realize what her parents were telling her. Tears came to her eyes as she put her hands to her ears. Looking at her father, she screamed at him, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

Charlotte was surprised at her daughter's behavior. She reached out to the six-year-old girl, trying to calm her down. "Chelle, we don't..."

Michelle was having none of it. She jumped off the kitchen chair and ran through the house, yelling "I WON'T GO! I WON'T GO! I WON'T GO!" The only other sound they heard was the slamming of the front screen door behind her as she headed down the street. Her parents heard her voice fading as she got further away.

Russell got up to chase after her, but Charlotte put her hand on his arm to stop him. "Just let her be for now, Russ. We know that she is going to share her sorrows with Tessa. Let her start to get it out of her system. She's never had to move before."

"I know. I really hate what they are doing to us, but we have no choice. You and the kids could stay here for a year without me, and trust that I would be transferred back here when they start up the new unit."

"You know as well as I do that wouldn't work. The kids and I couldn't stand to be apart from you for that long. Besides, when has the military ever kept any of their promises they made to us?"

"You're right." Russell looked at his watch. "I tell you what, I'll give Chelle a half hour to cry on Tessa's shoulder, then go down to get her."

"Maybe when you get back we can all go out and get some ice cream. It won't completely make up for it, but maybe it can dry up her tears for a short time."

**. . . . .**

Russell had been ordered to report to the Naval Air Station, Norfolk, Virginia, to replace the chief mechanic for a new group that had just been activated. The chief petty officer had flown out with two crewmen to deal with a helicopter that had snapped a turboshaft. Their repair mission ran into heavy turbulence and crashed in the middle of a mountainside forest. No one survived.

**. . . . .**

During the war in Vietnam, the US Navy flew eight modified 'Huey' gunships throughout the Mekong delta, working as close air support for the 120 PBRs (Patrol Boat, River) of the brown water surface navy. Not only were these helicopter gunships heavily modified, they flew off four specially modified LSTs (Landing Ship, Tank). These flat-bottomed LSTs could operate in the shallow river waters from the South China Sea all the way upstream to the Cambodian border. These 'Seawolves' of HA(L)3 [Helicopter Attack (Light) Squadron Three] along with the PBRs, were so effective that supplies to the Viet Cong by the river routes was sharply reduced.

When the war in Vietnam ended, so did many of these units. HA(L)3 was disbanded and almost all but forgotten about. But four years later, the Navy concluded that there was a need for helicopter gunships. Two new HA(L) squadrons were authorized. HA(L)-4, nicknamed the 'Red Wolves', would be formed at Naval Air Station Norfolk, Virginia on 1 July 1976 and its sister squadron, HA(L)-5, nicknamed the 'Blue Hawks', was established a year later at Naval Air Station Point Mugu, California on 11 June 1977.

Both units would continue to fly the HH-1K Iroquois (Huey) helicopters that were specially designed for the Navy. The engines were modernized, and the avionics, electronics, and weapon systems were all upgraded. Full active service or combat duty of each unit consisted of eight helicopters, 40 flight crewmen, and 150 maintenance and support personnel.

New helicopters could be ordered and built. What was more important, the men that kept these birds in the air, could not be produced as easily. Many of the support staff that filled the maintenance crews at the bases throughout the Vietnam countryside no longer were in the service. Like the combat veterans, they came back to the States, only to feel the wrath of those who demanded an end to this war. Many hid the fact that they had any involvement over there. Others were ashamed at what they knew had happened, but was never reported in the press. Countless numbers of them came back wounded, having to learn the new physical limitations of a body missing a hand or foot, an arm or a leg, or more. Still more came back with invisible wounds, PTSD, alcohol abuse, generalized anxiety disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and chronic depression.

**. . . . .**

Russell was one of the few that had seemingly limitless experience working on the Hueys. As such, he was already being investigated by the Marine Corps Investigation Division on behalf of the Navy. Since they found nothing to tarnish his record, Russell was vetted to be the chief of maintenance staff for the 'Blue Hawks' squadron.

It was only because his counterpart in the 'Red Wolves' had died so suddenly, and that unit would be the first one officially established, that Russell was ordered to fill in there until he was permanently assigned to the unit or a replacement could be found.

**. . . . .**

And that was why Michelle went running to be with her best friend Tessa that morning. She realized that her family would have to follow her father and move across the country. Two weeks after her sixth birthday, the idea of going to school with her best friend, Teresa Kendall Rafala, completely disappeared. She would be all by herself in a strange school, in a strange city. And that was something she didn't want to face.

So she would have to find some way to stop it. But she wouldn't have to start from scratch. Both Michelle and Tessa had already started to make plans for running away from home. It was just that it was Tessa's situation that first motivated these plans, not Michelle's.

After fifteen years of marriage, Neal Lewis Rafala and his wife Gwenith Sandra (nee Hagner) had decided that they no longer could live together as husband and wife, and Gwen had already filed for a divorce. Neal had moved out of the home and taken an apartment just outside the University District in San Marcos, a half hour away. Neal said he was living there to be closer to his job as a supervisor at Hunter Industries. Gwen said it was to be closer to his secretary. Either way, the apartment was small and had no room for their daughter, Teresa Kendall.

So Tessa needed Michelle to run away with her and help her cope with her parent's divorce. And now Chelle needed Tessa to run away with her to keep from having to move.

The two of them had thought of running away with the circus. They could become clowns and dress up and have their faces painted so no one could notice them. But Tessa didn't really like that option. She was afraid of the lions and tigers. Besides, there was no circus in town that they could run away and join.

They each thought of so many other options of what they could do. But with each and every one of them, they found problems why they couldn't do it that way. Usually it came down to the fact that six year old girls were just way too young to have any type of career out in the big wide world.

When they began to realize this, both of them broke into another round of uncontrolled, little girl wailing. That is how Russell found the two of them when he arrived at the Rafala house. But the promise of ice cream for both of them soon dried up their tears and allowed them to go out into that cruel, big wide world once more.

**. . . . .**

**March, 1975 || ****Naval Air Station, Norfolk, Virginia**

But ice cream, even with sprinkles on it, was only a makeshift solution. Two days later, Russell was on his way to his new assignment, leaving Charlotte with the kids and all of the packing. When he reported in at the Naval Air Station in Norfolk, his new commanding officer, Colonel Marcus Taborn, welcomed him and basically told him that the word from on high was that he should plan on getting his family ready to move. Russell was not going back to West Coast and be the chief maintenance NCO of HAL-5. He was going to be permanently assigned to HAL-4 in Norfolk.

This was the news that Russell didn't want to hear at all. Some of the members of the maintenance staff told him the horror stories they had of finding affordable housing for their families. He knew that he couldn't afford the rental prices for the three-bedroom home they needed. Even with four real estate companies plus the military looking for him, there was nothing available.

He finally told Charlotte that she should not hurry in packing up everything for moving. If she just went through all the clothes and things the kids were not using this time of year, that would be enough. As soon as he found a place for them to live, she could bring in a moving company and have them pack up the rest.

. . . . .

Russell was having a lot of problems at work too. His security clearance was good enough for him to work on repairing the helicopters, but it was never high enough for him to find out what the missions were for which he was preparing them. The official word that he was given was that they were part of an air/sea rescue unit.

The first time Russell got a peek at the units he was assigned to service his first thoughts were, _Air/sea rescue, my ass_. _What bird needs that amount of firepower to go out and bring in someone who was lost at sea?_

The scuttlebutt on the base among those who were not in the know was that these choppers were being used for covert operations, like the insertion and extraction of Navy SEALs and CIA operatives. That would better fit in with the fact that these birds flew out and returned, but no one ever would talk about the missions they were on.

Since Russell did not know the missions of the helicopters he was working on, he felt that he could not set them up to the best of his ability. He also did not like the chain of command on the base. He never knew who was in charge and whose orders he was supposed to follow. Civilians in casual dress, government types in suits, and military officers all appeared to have a high enough security clearance to wander the base at will. They all felt that they were entitled to ask him questions about his work, and give him orders about how they wanted it done. Several times the orders of one group conflicted with the orders of another, or with good maintenance sense, and Russell felt like he was in limbo, wondering what he should really do.

**. . . . .**

**April 30, 1975 || ****Naval Air Station, Norfolk, Virginia**

The world changed for almost everyone in the US military on this last Wednesday of the month. The city of Saigon surrendered and all remaining Americans were evacuated. In the previous 18 hours, close to 8,000 people were pulled out of the city by US helicopters.

Navy officials began to take a closer look at the security requirements for the two proposed HAL units. Since most, if not all, of their missions, were clandestine and would conceivably continue to be of this nature, it just made more sense to keep it all 'in house', so that even the lowliest tech operator would have to guarantee his loyalty and silence.

No one ever told Russell, but that trick that he and Charlotte used in Vietnam to get married was the major red flag on his security clearance. If he could not follow the rules about non-fraternization with officers, how well would he follow the security regulations about these missions?

Russell soon found himself trying to impart all of his acquired knowledge to a man who wanted to become a SEAL, but had washed out of BUDs. The seaman's mechanical aptitude had him reassigned to this unit. After two weeks of intensive training, Russell found himself ordered to report to Maintenance Squadron (MS 29), Marine Corps Air Facility New River, a satellite base of Camp Lejeune, in Jacksonville, North Carolina. If the flying SEALs and spooks no longer wanted him, the Marines would welcome him back to keep their birds flying.

**. . . . .**

**May 12, 1975 || New River, North Carolina**

Since the Marines were flying AH-1 Cobras, which had been developed from the UH-1 Hueys and shared the same engine, transmission, and rotor systems, Russell's extensive working with these aircraft, easily qualified him for his new position. He felt very comfortable in this new position because its mission was to provide close-in fire support for ship to shore escort and operations ashore. There were no covert missions. Everything was out in the open. He was able to fit in well with the rest of the crew because the unit was fairly new, being formed in 1972. He was very happy in his new position and looked forward to moving his family down to North Carolina to be with him.

**. . . . .**

**Meanwhile || Oceanside, California**

While Russell had to deal with all the different officers from the various units that he was transferred to, Charlotte had to deal with the roller coaster of emotions from their six-year-old daughter.

Michelle continued to bemoan her fate of having to move while her father still was home. Two days after Russell left for Norfolk, she decided that she missed her dad not being home with her more than she would miss not starting school with Tessa. Charlotte built on this change in sentiment, explaining to the child all the different historical places, libraries, and museums that they could visit while living in Virginia. Michelle began to get excited about seeing some of these places that she had just heard about. She was eager to move and start her educational journey, both in school and throughout the community.

Then Russell called and told Charlotte of his transfer to Camp Lejeune. When Michelle found out about this, she again wished that her father never had been transferred at all. What would there be for her? She had never heard anything about the state, so how could she get excited about moving there? The only one she knew in the whole state would be her father, and he was way too old to join her in attending school.

Fear had set in and was controlling the little girl. Her father was busy working in his new location, her mother was busy with getting the house packed up and caring for her two younger brothers. No one was worried about her anymore. Decisions were made, but she had no say at all in it. It didn't help for her to drag her feet at packing up her things after her dad found a place for them to live. Nothing would slow down their move.

Michelle spent as much time as she could over at Tessa's house pledging that for the rest of her life, no matter where she might be, she would always be her BFF. They cried a lot together, hugged each other constantly, shared some of their most treasured possessions with each other, and traded as much clothing as they possibly could before Chelle had to leave.

Finally, the big day came. The moving truck pulled up to their front door. Boxes, crates, and furniture was all loaded into the truck. Their next door neighbors all this time, Allen and Patricia Hargraves, had a final backyard picnic barbecue planned for them. Charlotte wanted the kids to help them clean up from the meal, but the elderly couple would not allow it. Both of them had tears welling up in the corners of their eyes as they hugged each of the family members before they sent them on their way.

Charlotte walked one last time through the house. She remembered when she and Russell first took the place and how empty it seemed. It was completely empty again. Was this really the place where they spent all those years, living, and loving, and starting their family? She felt very reluctant to lock the door one last time and turn the key over to her neighbor. There was just a finality to it that she really didn't want to acknowledge.

But her husband was waiting for her, in a new house, in a new place. Somehow all the good memories would go with them while new ones awaited them. With one last look, she turned her back on the life that she had there in California and turned her face to the new life awaiting her and her family in North Carolina.

Michelle did not want to sit in the front seat with her mother to start out the trip. Tessa had told her that when they finally drove off, she would stay there at the front of their house and wave to her for as long as she could see them. Chelle wanted to be able to look out the back window and keep her best friend in view for as long as possible. She also wanted to hide the tears she knew would be in her eyes from her mother. No one could ever know how sad she would feel about leaving her friend.

When they finally turned a corner and the two young girls no longer could see each other, Michelle sobbed only once. Her thoughts were still centered around her fears. She mentally cried out in anguish, _Who would there be who would ever know her as well as Tessa? Who would be there as her friend? Who could she share her most intimate thoughts and plans with? Who could she trust as much as the girl who stayed behind waving to her?_

As she laid her head down upon the edge of the door and closed her eyes, so mentally exhausted that she almost immediately fell asleep, she thought she heard the tinkle of a tiny bell. If she would have stayed awake she might have made out the words behind the sound, "We will." But her eyes quickly closed and she never did see the three faint point of light circling her head as the car entered the highway.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This is a prologue, setting the scene for Michelle's childhood and the rest of her life. At the proper time, Sam, Hetty, and other members of OSP will appear, to fill in the back story of the life of this CIA operative who became Mrs. Sam Hanna.**

**A/N2: This is a WIP and will be updated only when I can feel that the update is something I can live with, but IT WILL BE COMPLETED. This chapter is a little shorter than the others, but you have to remember that spies don't give up all their secrets, even if they are six-year-olds.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: **The characters and sets of NCIS:LA are all owned by CBS, Donald P. Bellisario, and Shane Brennan. I only own a copy of the DVDs from season 1-5. I do get to play with everyone, but they all have to be home by curfew.

**=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)**

**July, 24 1976 || New River, North Carolina**

Michelle Goodman knew that what she was doing was wrong. She should never be eavesdropping on her father and Jimmy's dad, but she would have never got to hear these stories if she wouldn't. Besides, they were talking about spies, and she had to learn all about them because that is what she was going to be when she grew up.

For years, Michelle had always wanted to go into the medical field just like her mother. She really wanted to be a doctor, because those were the ones who gave all the orders. At one time, she talked to her mother about that, asking her why she became a nurse and not a doctor. Charlotte told her daughter that she could not afford to go to medical school. Nor did she want to spend all those extra years in school, waiting until she could finally get out and help people.

The younger girl thought about everything her mother told her. She had her own play doctor's bag, and "fixed" up her brothers as they played war among themselves and with the other boys on the base. They always expected her to do this 'because she was a girl'. She was older than they were. She was smarter than they were. She hated that they always counted upon her to take on this role. She might have been a girl, but she was so much a tom-boy that Charlotte often thought she had three sons, not a daughter and two boys.

Michelle would have really liked to become a Marine, like her father. She would really like to prove to prove to her two brothers that she was just as good, if not better than they were. The only problem was that there were no female Marines. Oh, there were women in the Marine Corps, but they were all nurses, ambulance drivers, mechanics, pilots, administrators, and other non-combat roles. This past year saw all three of the Military Service Academies admit women and train them in military science. But they were still limited to non-combative roles. She wanted to duke it out with the boys. And that was why today was so important for her and why she was listening to her father and his friend.

Jimmy Larson, her brother Cameron's best friend, turned six years old three days ago. Her brother's birthday had been earlier this month. They wanted to have just one birthday party for the two of them, and it was today. After ice cream and cake in their back yard, Charlotte Goodman, and Sandra Larson took the boys and her to see the new James Bond movie, 'The Spy who loved Me.'

Michelle decided there and then that she was going to become an international spy. She loved all of the gadgets that 007 got to play with, all of the beautiful clothes that KGB agent Major Anya Amasova got to wear, and the fact that they could go anywhere in the world to do their work.

That was the whole reason that she was not in her bed, sleeping like her parents expected. The little girl was told that she could stay up one half hour later than the boys, to give them time to go to sleep and to allow her to finish watching the comedy program on TV. When the time came, she didn't complain, but went up and changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. After putting on her robe, she went back downstairs to say good night to the Larsons and kiss her parents before going to bed.

But she didn't crawl into bed. She took a couple of her stuffed animals and placed them under the covers to look like it was her. Then she went back to the top of the stairway and waited until the women went into the kitchen. Sneaking back down the steps, she went and hid in the hall closet, where she could eavesdrop on the adult conversations.

****. . . . .****

"You have no idea how nice it is to work here, Randy." Russell said, before taking a long swig of his beer.

"It's just a military workplace, Russ. What's so good about it? Or am I working someplace different than you are?" Randy Larson asked.

"Here everything is totally military. You know who you are talking to by the rank on their covers, epaulets, or shoulders. When I was at NAS Norfolk, you could never be sure what rank the person you were dealing with was."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I saw men in Navy working uniforms, but they had no rank to distinguish them. I assume that they were SEALs who didn't want to be treated as spies if they were captured."

"That sounds reasonable. Anything else?"

"I saw what looked like men in civvies, climbing aboard the helos before they took off. They were in a group and had enough equipment to go on a week-long camping trip. Even a fool would know that they were CIA spies being inserted somewhere to do a covert mission."

"Well..." Randy was beginning to wonder if he wanted to hear any more.

"Then there were men in suits. We thought of them as the 'think-tank" boys of the CIA. They always came, just to look. They would never get on the helos themselves."

"You know, Russ, maybe it might be better for you if you didn't tell anyone about what you saw there. It's obvious that stuff was going on there that they didn't want you, or anyone else, to know about. I have no idea what was going on, where it was going on, and who was doing it. And I really don't wanna know. I don't want Sandy to wake up some morning and find out that I am no longer in bed next to her, or even worse, that I am there, but I am no longer breathing. All because of something I saw, or thought I saw."

"You don't think it would ever go that far, do you?"

"I don't know. But I'm just saying that I don't even want to take that chance."

**. . . . .****  
><strong>Now, if you were to ask her, Michelle would never admit that what she just heard from Jimmy's dad scared her. She was surprised to learn that her father had worked with spies. She was more certain than he was that it was true. She was just going to have to keep her eyes and ears open. If she was going to be a spy, she would have to learn everything she could, especially if others were going to be coming for her family.

No, she wasn't scared at all. But she was starting to get sleepy. She waited until she heard all the adults talking at once, then got up, slipped out the door, and stole her way back up the steps and crawled into bed. Her first spy mission was a complete success. She got the information she needed and no one had any clue that she was ever there. She closed her eyes and started to dream about her being older, taking on even greater missions, and always coming out victorious.

**. . . . .**

**In the coming months ****|| New River, North Carolina**

Michelle continued to practice her spy-craft. She found that adults often seemed to forget that there was a small girl in the room. She was very quiet and usually pretended to read a book, being careful to remember to turn the page every once in a while.

She overheard Tracy's mom telling Tonya's mom on the phone that she was thinking of getting a divorce. She thought that her husband Brad was spending too much time Kristin's mother's house. Kristin's mother was divorced and was way too 'available'.

The little girl kept all this information to herself. She had her mother buy her a small notebook and started keeping her notes in it. She wrote everything in a code that only she knew, so nobody could figure out what she was doing.

When she started back to school, she brought along her arithmetic book and acted like she was working out problems. In reality, she was just recording the latest gossip.

Her mother thought it was great that she was putting in extra time on her math. Charlotte started telling her two boys that they should be more like their sister, instead of spending all their free time playing around. The two boys began to hate their sister for being so studious. Both of them would rather play than do any schoolwork.

Michelle had a secret smile that she used for just such occasions. No one really knew how much she was playing. She fooled them all, just like a successful spy should.

As the year went by, Michelle seemed to get more and more confirmation that the career she had chosen for herself was the right one. She started watching the summer reruns of 'The Bionic Woman' and tried to pattern herself after Jamie Sommers, She started to run a lot, imagining herself to have bionic legs that increased her speed. Building up the muscles in her arm did not get her to the point of bending steel, but she learned how to throw things better and farther.

The thing that she most tried to duplicate was Jamie's bionic ear. There was nothing she could do to amplify her hearing. What she learned was how to listen selectively. She seemed to be able to tune out the surrounding sounds and voices, and focus on the person she wanted to listen to. Her ears might not be bionic, but she was training them to be the next best thing.

**. . . . .**

The other TV show that Michelle started to watch and pattern her life after was 'Wonder Woman'. She loved the fact that 'Wonder Woman' not only had great strength and agility but also had intelligence. Unlike many other spy shows, Diana Prince never needed a man to help her think her way out of situations or rescue her from trouble. She was always the one to rescue Major Steve Trevor. The little girl really liked that about the superhero. She was bound and determined that she would do everything on her own, too. She would show all of the boys that she was just as good as they were. Nothing would be too difficult for her. She figured that a spy should be able to do anything and everything.

Michelle loved the way Lynda Carter played the role. Even though the actress was beautiful, she took on a very plain looking appearance so she could, as the young girl put it, 'hide in plain sight'. But whenever Michelle would look in the mirror, she despaired of ever becoming a super spy or government agent like this. Her body was straight up and down. She would be more likely taken for 'Wonder Boy' than 'Wonder Woman". After trying to design her own costume and not liking the results she came up with, she decided that she just didn't look good in spandex. Besides, all that spinning that Wonder Woman did to change into her super costume just made the little girl dizzy. Wonder Woman was a great crime fighter, but she was not a spy. That was what Michelle truly wanted to be. But she would take all the best things that she found in the lives of others and weave it together to become the spy she wanted to be.

****. . . . .****

Michelle wanted to find a code name for herself that would be just as good as those in the movie. 007 and Agent 'Super X' were excellent code names, and she wanted to find one that was just as good. But nothing that she could think of was suitable. She finally decided that she would wait until she would be working for some branch of the government, and she would let them decide what code name they wanted her to operate under.

She never told anyone about her early fantasies, because she knew that down deep they were nothing more than that. She would never get a license to kill and become a double 0 number. You couldn't just go to college and sign up for classes like Spy-craft 101. But she wanted to hold on to her dream as long as she could. After all, the government had to get its spies from somewhere. Why wouldn't they want to take someone who was preparing so long for a life like that?


End file.
